Sealing Birth Certificates

Lorraine Dusky’s husband, Anthony Brandt, has a great essay over at First Mother Forum.  Highly recommend reading it.

“And one’s identity is a natural right. Fundamental to being human. What gives a government the right to mess with it? Nothing. The laws on adoption are an aberration, a disgrace, designed only to protect the adoptive parents from the loss of their illusion that they are the real and only parents, and the knowledge that their gain–some other woman’s child–is that woman’s tragedy” – Anthony Brandt

Read more at The Adoption Tragedy at First Mother Forum post titled Why Were Adoptee Birth Certificate’s Sealed?

Her Non-Cert OBC

I received a shrunken down, photocopied, non certified version of my daughter’s original birth certificate.

I am underwhelmed.

I do not mean that negatively rather I expected to feel something more than I did when I opened the envelope.

I opened it, stared at the receipt that came with it for a bit before looking at the OBC copy. It still looks fake.  Does the one she would get look different?

It is sort of an odd feeling. Surreal? Unreal? Questionably real?

What does this document mean? Moreover, what did I expect it would mean?

I was surprised to see they had not spelled her birth name incorrectly. It was spelled incorrectly on that ever so lovely petition to adopt notice published in the law bulletin.

As I expected the addressed listed as my address was 2130 North Kenmore, Chicago, IL, the site of the maternity “home”.

All other info was seemingly correct although I question why her father’s age was listed but not his name? I know why his name is not there (he was not present to admit paternity after birth…rather only present to surrender his rights to her pre-birth). I also think the age is wrong. They say he was 19 at the time of her birth. I think he was 18 and would have turned 19 a few months later. I could be wrong. I do know his birthday (and remember, oddly that his fathers birthday plus his mothers adds up to his).

It did remind me of the time she was born. I had not recalled that. I recall going to the hospital in the evening of May 15 (or so I thought). I think they sent me back to the “home”. I believe I puked up a coke on the wall of Gehring Hall. My friend Carol might remember more details.

I do not remember going to the hospital, or being admitted. My mind jumps from puking on the wall to being in the delivery room and having the doctors move the mirror away from my view so I could not see her being born. Prior to that, I remember hallucinating when they gave me Demerol (and told me I was “lucky” I was with Easter House as “clinic” girls from Gehring do not normally get pain killers). I remember the bloody half moon nail marks I made in my caseworker’s hands during labor. Then I jump to some quiet time alone with my daughter  (time I was also told I was “lucky to have courtesy of Easter House”), Whitney Houston “Greatest Love of All” on the radio. My mother arrives at some point. The memories are all foggy, jumbled, the images float in and out and in again.

One less foggy item is that I now know the time she was born.

I suppose that is a good thing to remember.

I stare at the document, at her name, well, not her name, but my daughters name. My dream daughter. The ghost child I carried around in an invisible ergobaby wrap for 18 years. Where did that dream girl go when I found the human version of my child? I feel like she is gone, sort of, but that ergo is still wrapped around my torso.

What am I to do with this now? Put it in “the box”? File it somewhere? What value does it hold now that I have it, if any?

Yes, I have proof my daughter exists, yet she doesn’t.

Missed it (almost)

I missed it. I actually missed it.

A bit surprising to me, yet not. Records were opened in January 2015 as previously mentioned and I missed it. Of course, I know the reason I missed it is that I was dealing with my sons TBI. I missed it for a good reason. By that I mean I was focusing on the child that needs me versus obsessing over the one that does not. However, I am still sort of surprised I missed it.

Now I am caught up. Thanks to Eileen mentioning she requested and received her daughters original non certified un-amended birth certificate from Illinois. Literally within minutes of reading Eileen’s message I had downloaded the form, completed it, copied my id (which intentionally still carries exact same name as I had at time of surrender), enclosed a check, signed, sealed and stamped. It will go in the mail tonight.

I am a bit annoyed at how pleased this makes me. Perhaps it makes sense. I will finally have proof my daughter was born to me. Yes it will have my name, her original name, lack her fathers name, etc. It makes me smile. I find that sort of sad. I am 47 y ears  old. My daughter will be 29 this may and I am finally able to see her original non certified OBC that says I am her mother.

If you are a mother or father that surrendered a child in IL, visit this link and download the form to request your child’s certificate. You will need to provide a check for $15 and a copy of your ID.

” Birth Parent Request for a Non-Certified Copy of an Original Birth Certificate – This form is to be submitted along with a copy of a valid government issued photo identification (ID) and a check or money order for $15 made payable to Illinois Department of Public Health.