Yet another great piece on grieving from Tim Lawrence at his blog The Adversity Within.
Link to full post below. A few of my favorite quotes also below.
Read the entire post Grieving Isn’t Wallowing.
Yet another great piece on grieving from Tim Lawrence at his blog The Adversity Within.
Link to full post below. A few of my favorite quotes also below.
Read the entire post Grieving Isn’t Wallowing.
We have talked about collateral damage and how to mitigate it pre surrender. Now let us move to management of collateral damage. Consider this scenario, one that is all too real for many of us:
Mother was sent away to give birth alone. She received little or no options counseling. Her only info on adoption was provided by the agency that stood to profit from the sale of her child. Informed consent was limited to an explanation of the final and irrevocable surrender to adoption. She was told she would “get over itâ€, have other children and move on with her life. Post surrender she experiences something vastly different. Immediately she suffers from nightmares, anxiety and depression. She finds it hard to be around children or see images of children.   Relationships are difficult for her to maintain. She finds herself drawn to men that abuse her and is unable to keep a regular job due to her anxiety and depression.  Her relationships with family and friends at home are strained.  All refuse to discuss her child.  Her own mother gets angry at her when she brings up the subject. All she wants is her child back.
Where does she go for help and support? What would you tell her to do?  What has worked for you in attempting to “heal” from the loss of your child to adoption?  Please be specific.   For example, instead of “get therapy” please share what type of therapy you recommend (or not).
I am a wee bit behind schedule on this weeks topics. I am going to scrap Pot Luck for Friday and use today for Mitigation and Thursday and Friday for Management.
Again, as mentioned in previous post, mitigation is the “act of mitigating, or lessening the force or intensity of something unpleasant, as wrath, pain, grief, or extreme circumstances”.
We had some limited chatter on how to mitigate damage to mothers prior to surrender. How about we extend this to the first family? What might we do to educate first grand parents? Spouses or partners of the expectant mother (particularly if they are part of her decision process)? Or should we?
I will offer that my mother was part of my decision process – a huge part. She arranged for my dispatch to the agency and the maternity home and when my daughter was born she was present. The agency capitalized on her ignorance and conservative beliefs. She was wildly ignorant to the realities of adoption and what it might do to her daughter or her grandchild. Â She was given no explanation of the process, no information, no counseling on what would happen to me or her first born grand child. So I ask again, should she have been? This is a bit of an emotional minefield, I realize, but I am curious what others might think. Â Should first family members present and involved with the surrender be provided information on the possible impact of said surrender?