Let’s Talk Collateral Damage : Education & Careers

Winding up our week of talking Collateral Damage in adoption, there are two more posts (this being one of them). Next week we will talk mitigation and management of the collateral damage.

This one relates to your career and/or education. Adoption lore suggests one of the many reasons a mother should reliniquish her child to strangers is to enable her to finish college and gain a rewarding career. The inference being that you cannot go to college or get a good job while parenting because well, parenting a child will ruin your life.

So, I ask. Did you go to college? Gain that rewarding career? Or did something else happen? Did you opt to be an at home mom?

Education and Careers Post Surrender

College – If you surrendered young (meaning before or while college age), did you end up going to college post surrender? Did you graduate? How did that work out for you?

Under College Educated vs. Over Educated – If you did not go, did the reason have anything to do with adoption? If you did go, did you pursue higher education relentlessy (as some mothers have) in an effort to well, prove something to yourself or others?

Career – Regardless of your position, do you share your adoption status with your coworkers or colleagues? Do you live in fear of being “found out” professionally? Has adoption surrender (or reunion) impacted your job in any way? Did you choose a career related to adoption or chidren?

Other – Anything related to education, career and adoption you want to share?

2 Thoughts.

  1. Our family has 2 adopted adults, and 2 friends that relinquished. All family’s have now reunited. Two that relinquished, completed college, married, but only married men that agree to never have children. They concluded that if America..marketed as the greatest country in the world, (lets wave that flag) were not good to white female citizens, they wouldn’t have more kids. But both earned graduate degrees in education. And when teaching high school in Wisconsin, and found a student pregnant, counseled the family to keep the kid…and did so over what welfare social workers advised. No student surrendered her child to adoption..this is her payback to the adoption community that took her kid. Adoption agency’s and social welfare services have a lot of adult women that have surrendered, working against the system. And have trained young single white women to be tough, and find an attorney..

  2. I was in college when I got pregnant, dropped out, and never went back until I was in my late 40s, graduated summa cum laude . I suffered from post-partum depression after my first child, one of the reasons he was surrendered after some time in foster care, the other reason being my boyfriend had left me for another woman and refused to marry me. I was devastated, and what little self-esteem I had was destroyed utterly. Shortly thereafter I got pregnant again, this time I was luckier and that boyfriend married me.

    I am quite bright and talented in verbal skills, but it did not occur to me to go back to school. I ended up having two more kids, so raised three and lost one. I was a stay-at home mom, and when I did work, it was low-level jobs in retail and as a teacher’s aide in special ed. I do think there was some subconscious stuff going on about not completing my education for many years, because when I was pregnant with my first child one of the reasons I was told I should surrender was because I was “too smart” to give up education and a career for a child. Perversely, when I lost my child I did not want the degree or the career, as I felt I did not even deserve to live, let alone prosper.

    When I finally went back to school as an adult, I started at County College, as was amazed at how well I did except for math where I have some sort of learning disability. I ended up getting a degree in art, with a lot of English and Psych courses, but I never really used it. At that point my parents were elderly and became somewhat disabled, and I helped take care of them and my beloved aunt. I still have very little confidence that I could succeed in any career, and feel very fortunate that my husband had a good job and saved for retirement so we are financially ok.

    I now feel I wasted a lot of my life on adoption reform, but that is all water under the bridge, what is done is done. Perhaps I could have accomplished more had I not given up a child, but I can’t really say. I was a depressed adolescent before I ever got pregnant, and the surrender just made all that worse, but did not really cause it. Surrendering my firstborn may not have caused all the ills in my life, but it certainly did not help, and my not going back to school for years was a direct result of the surrender.

Comments are closed.