Then I Found You [Book]

So I read the prospective adoptive mom diary (essentially what it was) titled Mothers: A Novel mentioned here in this post.

I don’t have much to say about it. It wasn’t awful. In fact, it was probably brutally honest, only another adoptive mother would know for sure. I found the main character annoying and whiny. I resented the fact the entire book referred to expectant mothers as birth mothers. You aren’t a birth mother until AFTER you have surrendered and even then you are only so if you view yourself that way.

I had visceral reactions to the agency professionals portrayed in the book. (And really, Smith Chasen? Why not just spell out Spence Chapin). The books perpetuates the crackwhore scammer birth mother myth. For a few pages it  made me want to revisit my essay proposal based on my Scam I Am  post to show that the same sorts of things happen to other members of the adoption plane.

A twitter friend asked me if the book ended with the PAP’s “winning” (interesting choice of words). Presumably, yes, they did but that is not covered. It appears to end when they are matched.

I have not listened to the NPR interview of the author/adoptive parent. I am not sure I will.

I do recommend this book for expectant mothers considering surrendering their child to open or closed adoption. It gives a VERY interesting and disturbing look into what happens to PAPs and what agencies do and say.

I am now reading another book that is hitting much closer to home – Then I Found You.

Gulp. I am probably only twenty percent into it and I have twice had to put it down due to being choked up with tears. Too many parallels between me and my life and the protagonist, Kate.

Has anyone read this latest book?  Would love to know your thoughts if you have.

3 Thoughts.

  1. I’ve been on a long break from triggering adoption books. No doubt I’m missing some good ones. The ones you mentioned reminded me of Then She Found Me (Elinor Lipman), which I read in the nineties. It was pretty good, although they portrayed the b-mother as a compulsive liar and flake. The movie they made of it not long ago with Bette Midler was bloody awful.

  2. Pingback: I am Kate Vaughn | Writing My Wrongs

  3. I know there’s no way I’m going to read The Mothers but I’m glad to hear that I should move Then I Found You to the top of my t0-read list. I wish it was getting as much media attention as the other book especially since in the interviews/reviews I’ve read and listened to it doesn’t seem like The Mothers has anything new to say while Then I Found You is the side of a story that ought to be better known.

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