Doing the Math

My late 20’s adoptee Facebook friend posted pictures of her with her first family. There were several young children/siblings along with her natural mom. . My first thought was “WOW, her mom is old to still be having children”.

My second thought was “duh!”.

Took me a second to realize I had my math wrong. The mom was young when she had friend. She is a societally acceptable age now for her younger children.

Made me realize if there was a picture of me with my soon to be 30 year old daughter and my 12 year old son others would think the same. Also made me realize I was the age my daughter is now when I became pregnant with my second child.

Odd. My how adoption scrambles my brain.

3 Thoughts.

  1. It’s a miracle our minds work as well as they do. When the world keeps going from upside-down to right-side up it’s hard to keep perfectly ‘unscrambled’. Lost to/missing in adoption/ found but not anything but (birth) mother being the upside-down world, while acknowledging motherhood and our truth as mothers to our children and speaking our truth, is the right-side up. At least that is what I’ve come to conclude. Mothers are ”split” in two by the act of adoption. We are mother but not a mother. Hard to make sense of what isn’t sensible. Hard to make a lie out of truth. Our minds know better, but the world keeps wanting to shove the alternate “reality” (the lie/s) onto us so those that couldn’t, wouldn’t or chose not to handle their reality, can live in their preferred alternate reality of they are mother/parent, we are not.

    ”Do not attempt to adjust this.. this is how it’s “supposed” to look .”

    My mind says, ”but it’s all distorted and upside-down. It needs fixing. It’s wrong.”.

    The adoption world says, “No it isn’t. it’s perfect. Don’t you see the rainbows and unicorns? Aren’t they pretty?”


    They left their reality and took ours and turned ours into unreality. Hence the split.

    And you thought *you* were scrambled Suz. I’d say you’re pretty together, by comparison. 🙂

    • Great summary Cindy! Sadly I agree and totally understand. It is a wonder we are able to function with all the lies and alternate realities we are told to believe.

  2. It’s hard to get our heads around. All of my childhood friends’ kids are 5+ years younger than Josh (my relinquished and only child) because they waited until their mid-to-late twenties to have kids. Their grandchildren are 10+ years younger than mine. I remember when I first met my son, his wife’s mother was 10 years younger than me, and had two little ones and another one on the way. I could’ve had young ones too by then, since I married 12 years after relinquishing. I realized later that I was afraid to get pregnant again (unconsciously anyway) and let the possibility go easily, once I was married at 32, to a 40 YO husband. Just strange…

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