I wonder what he was thinking. Was it just curiosity or did he hope she might talk to him? Did he message her and introduce himself? If he did, did she respond? Did she rebuff him and give him the same explanation she has given me? She is not effected by her adoption, she has one family and he is not related to her?
I won’t ask of course. I made an agreement with myself years ago that I will not broker those relationships. He is her cousin and he has a right to know her and reach out to her even if she has no desire to know him. She has a right to know him or not and any explanation she gives is a reflection of her, not me.
Yet, I will admit curiosity. I was mildly stunned for just a second when I saw his handle having “liked” one of her posts. I did not know he even knew who she was. I have no idea what his mother, my sister, has said to her children about the loss of my first born, their oldest cousin, from our family. Again, not my business, not my brokering to do. Yet, the situation indirectly is about me, so I am curious.
I suspect my sister shared a recent picture with the kids. My sister is the only family member I discuss her with. She is the only family member that sees my pain and allows it to be. She does not try to diminish it. She lets it be. I am glad it was her child that found her. Seems somehow appropriate since that sister helped me find my daughter.
What has she told her children? Maybe something innocent like “hey, do you want to see what your cousin you do not know looks like?” Maybe she told them her name. Maybe a picture I shared with my sister had her handle on it. I do not know. (Again, not brokering). I do know I shared the blue hair pic but I made sure to strip off identifying details. It bugs me that I do that. I am respecting her privacy I tell myself. I am supporting her need for her version of the story. Half the time I feel this is the correct thing to do. The other half time? I believe it is the wrong thing to do. In supporting her version of reality I deny my own.
I did message my sister and tell her I noticed it. She responded with “interesting” and the exchanged ended there. Well, actually, it ended after I said ‘I am okay with it, I was just a bit startled when I saw it”.
My nephew, my oldest son’s favorite cousin, has followed my sons half-sister he does not know on an social media account.