Life Journeys

Claud has an incredibly thought provoking and relatable post up on her blog. It explains her recent six month absence from the adoption community and the current status of her journey. I encourage all to read. Do so with a cup of tea or coffee and a snack as it is a long post. Do not let the length discourage you. Many will relate. I know I did.

I was reminded of my work with and the Kurtz network of agencies. For years I was obsessed with helping, finding, searching, researching on behalf of all those traumatized by this baby broker. There came a time when the community I served as well as the family I was ignoring let me know that my efforts were not appreciated. I backed away. It took time and some angst but I did it. I will still help if asked but the daily obsession? Gone and replaced with focusing on me, myself and I. The only person I can truly help is myself.

I was also reminded of a recent incident with my oldest son. We are in college application, interview and selection process. Due to his head injury in December of 2014, his junior year grades took a bit of a hit. He had been encouraged repeatedly by many to use the essay portion of his applications to explain this dip in his grades. He refused. I pressed the issue (as moms are known to do). He refused. He admitted he did not know how to write about an event he had no memory of. I wrote it for him and told him to rewrite in his own voice. He refused. Last Friday, following an admissions interview with his top pick, I asked him if he shared his injury story verbally. He became flushed and angry and responded with a firm “No. I will not play the sympathy card”. Again, the annoying mom in me tries to explain he is not playing a sympathy card by explaining to an admission dean the very valid reasons his grades dipped junior year.

He shakes his head. He is adamant. He will not play the sympathy card. We banter. Finally, flushed, angry, he responds “Mom, I want to be known for who I am and what I have done…not for what has happened to me”.

That struck me, hard, in a place I (and likely Claud) can absolutely understand. I dropped the subject.

Read Claud’s post 7000 Words for the Last 6 Months.

Photo credit: Joanna Fisher

1 Thought.

  1. Wow, Suz. Nik is wise — and brave — beyond his years. I too would have likely tried to convince him to explain, but understand and respect his hesitancy (and ultimately his insistence not to).

    I subscribe to Claud’s blog, so knew something was up during her absence, and I read her recent post. I have only had short bursts of all-encompassing adoption-related activities. Nothing near the amount of time and dedication you and Claud have given to the cause. But I understand how exhausting it can be, all the emotions that go with it. I grew tired just dealing with my own reunion and just did what little I could. My hat’s off to you two, and others, who have fought the good fight continually and consistently.

    Big cyber hugs to you both.

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