You may recall when I was first informed by my daughter of the person harassing her on formspring that I suggested it was an adoption affected individual, probably an adoptee.Â I was chastised for that by others and later clarified that the words the individual(s) were using in their statements to her were words I had heard in adoption circles – most often from adoptees. As such, my assessment tracked, at least to me.
After this week’s observing of her formspring and her outing, I remain convinced it is an adoption effected person – presumably, as she states, known to me. The thought makes me sad and angered at the same time.
Recall I was struck by her use of the words “lucky and privileged” in reference to her being lucky to be adopted and privileged to be raised by the parents Easter House selected for her. The phrases lucky and privileged are quite common in adoption’s dominant discourse. The grateful adoptee will say “I am so lucky I was adopted by such wonderful people. I am so grateful to them for X, Y and Z”. The forever indebted mother will state “I am so lucky and happy I found such a wonderful family to adopt my child. I am so blessed that they going to keep the adoption open.”Â The media will also portray adopted children as lucky and saved. We mustnâ€™t forget the prospective adopters who were so blessed by their Gods plan to send them this child that was grown in the heart instead of their tummy.Â Luck abounds!Â
Individuals who do not view adoption as a celebratory event, who dissent from the discourse are called bitter and ungrateful and more. We donâ€™t view adoption as a celebratory event but rather one that was preceded by a tragic event. We are offended by such words.Â LUCKY? You were lucky to be abandoned by your mother and given to strangers? Blessed?Â Blessed to have your original birth certificate withheld from you when all other US citizens can walk right into their local Vital Statistics and get a copy of theirs?Â Overjoyed? Overjoyed that you will never know your medical history? Overjoyed that you could be dating a member of your natural family and not know it? Good luck procreating.
So yeah, I reacted to her words of lucky and privileged. I did not react to her of course. I winced a bit, had some negative internal dialogue with myself about myself, shook my head and experienced a bit of a wrinkle in my heart muscle.Â I disagreed with her word choice much like others that share my view would also do. We are the dissidents of adoption. We view things differently.Â We use different words to describe the process of dismembering mother and child.
When I went back to look at the formspring, I saw that someone had sent her another question that she answered. The question was:
“LUCKY AND PRIVILEDGED! WTF DOES THAT MEAN?”
I could be reaching here but it seems to me that the average non adopted person walking the littered streets of formpsring or harassing her are not likely to find offense in that comment. In fact, they might even support it and share a few rainbow farts and unicorn tales. The fact that someone keyed in on those words, makes me think, again, it is an adopted affected person.
I remain firm in my position that I am not going to go about accusing people I know from ehbabes, my family, her fathers family, even a few blog readers of being that person. I do not believe taking on such an effort will bear fruit. The need for it, the thought of it being someone I know, the feeling of betrayal, does however, make me feel a little nuts.