Rest in Peace, Darling Judy

Judy and Me in 2009 at AAC

Judy passed away this evening. I want to craft a wonderful post in her honor, yet I am at a loss for words. My heart aches. Tears fall. I think of  Nate and Frank. I think of the powerhouse of a woman I met in Cleveland years ago. I muse over how I expected her to be tall. Yet when she arrived at my hotel room, a tiny bouncy sprite of a woman, bursting with love and energy stood in front of me. Nothing like I imagined. She was more, better, brighter, funnier and more loving than her online voice ever gave hint of.

Rest in peace my friend. You will be missed.

RIP Steve Jobs

Color me sad.

RIP Steve Jobs. I recently blogged about you.

My condolences to your family – both of your mothers and your two fathers.


State of the (re)Union

I received an email from a new blog reader.  She was complimentary (thank you). I appreciate feedback and support. I regularly waver between writing, not writing and considering deleting the blog.  I tend to hang around.  Feedback from new readers supports my argument to stay around.

Interestingly, the reader stated she was curious to know how my reunion went.  This question surprised me. I thought the status of my reunion was pretty obvious from this blog. Is that not the case? I suppose it is not, at least for new readers. I know many of you have been around for a long time and know that my reunion, well, it isn’t a reunion.

For the reader who asked, I can offer the most simplest explanation. While I found my daughter, she has chosen not to meet me. It has been six years and we have never spoken on the phone, never met face to face and only emailed a handful of times.  Early in the reunion, before she cut off contact, I was  permitted to send her gifts and email her. She never emailed back and she never acknowledged the gifts.  Sometime last year she quoted things like Death of the Author  (implying she was the text that stands alone and the writer of the book is dead and means nothing)  and stated she wanted no contacted what so ever.

So that’s it. Never met again, never talked, an email every so often from her (most recent one accusing me or someone known to me of harassing her).  I will share that I am one of those bad mothers in reunion that I do still send her a Happy Birthday email every year.  My hope, perhaps foolish, is that some day, some year, she may change her mind and open lines of communication to either me or her brothers.  My belief is that by sending a simple birthday greeting I am conveying that I am open to contact, that I love her and miss her.

Oh, and yeah, I admit to “stalking her’  blog and reading. I do this openly and could be very easily identified by her tracking stats. I used to comment on it (supportively and I never identified who I was) but I was asked by her to stop that as well. I used to follow her on Twitter. I dont anymore. I just stop by once in a while to see what she is up to, if she is still breathing, etc. I like her blog as she writes well and has similiar interests (fashion, literature, etc.) and I enjoy reading what she writes. 

For a bit more info on my various aspects of my reunion, I offer the following links to old posts.  Perhaps new reader will find them useful or helpful or something.

Telling Children

The Nose

Witty Pretty and Gay

Six Years Later