Please Read This TWICE

Find out just what people will submit to, and you have found out the exact amount of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them; and these will continue until they are resisted with either words or blows, or both. The limits of tyrants are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppress. – Frederick Douglas

Please read this not once but twice.  Read once and feel the shock of it and then read it again and imagine you are that mother.

A friend of mine, an Easter House mother in reunion, recently shared something I have never heard before. Perhaps it has happened others. Perhaps you have heard of it.  Perhaps it happened to you.  I just never heard of it before and it shocks and disgusts me.

What is it?

Well, friend informed me that after surrendering her child in open court (per the state regulations for the state she lived in) with agency caseworker standing at her side, the judge sentenced her to complete community service.

Read that? Community Service. Like a criminal. Which act  was criminal I wonder? Sex outside of marriage? Giving up her child? Hmm? What warranted community service?

Community service.

After a baby brokering agency (unknown to her at the time) helps her to give her child a “better” life, the judge in the case requires her to complete COMMUNITY SERVICE.

I am gonna say it again.

Community service.


Isn’t giving up your child that mythical “better life” enough community service? How about the fact that you are making some infertile families dream come true so they can pretend your child was “as if born” to them? That seems to a valuable community service many agencies believe mothers provide, being a breeder for someone else. Isn’t that a enough service?

Really? Community service?

Where does the insanity stop?

Sentencing surrendering mothers to community service?

I am sickened.  Truly disgusted.

I thought I had seen it all. Thought I had heard every horror story imaginable but apparently not.

Now please, read this a second time and this time pretend you are that mother, a few days post partum, aching for your child, having to stand up in court with baby brokering agency rep beside you  and then to your surprise, being ordered to complete community service.

Or maybe you would like to pretend you are the adoptive parents of that child. How would you like to know that in order for you to get your dream child the mother was ordered to complete community service as a condition of her release back into the world  sans her child?

23 Thoughts.

  1. This sounds to me like enacting additional, unwarranted punishment for the mother–just in case having her child taken from her didn’t give her enough of a clue that she, in their minds, did wrong. Like those mothers who were denied pain medication during labor because “she deserved it”. One of my problems with adoption is the fact that it often comes down to the personal bias of people in power, like this judge who sounds like he/she arbitrarily decided to hand down punishment to someone who’s been punished enough.

  2. I agree Triona and I have other similar examples.

    One mother I lived with in the home had an episiotomy sewn up wrongly/badly and the doctor told her afterwords it was her punishment for having sex with a man outside of marriage. Another was given such poor medical care she was never able to conceive again. And all of us in the home were treated by the clinic doctors/doctors in training. Yet surprisingly (or not) in the cases like mine where babies were being adopted through Easter House, the prospective adopters were being charged HUGE fees to cover mothers medical care. Huh? Huge fees for substandard medical care?

  3. It’s inexcusable. And I can’t imagine the hate that must live inside of someone to want to and be able to hand down sentences like that. Community services, botched episiotomies, refusal of pain medication – I will never understand the people that feel it’s their place to punish these women.

  4. How on earth did the judge get away with that?! Surely she needed to be charged with some kind of crime for that to happen, or did they just come up with some kind of trumped up charge? I’m so angry right now…

  5. Karlinda –
    In the state this happened (I am not noting that out of privacy) there are things called Blue Laws. It is quite possible that she had indeed violated some puritan value. I have no idea (but I intend to find out). She told me she got to pick from a selection of community service options. ?@#$@##$\ – and she did complete her duty.

    It is also possible the judge (as noted above by Triona) was drunk on his own power. How would a 19 yo girl with no legal representation know any better? Her only support was from the agency that stood to profit from the placement of her child.

  6. Suz, totally appalling and disgusting!!!
    Absolute power corrupts absolutely as they say, grrrr!!!

  7. that sounds totally insane and ludicrous! I honestly cant think of how or why that order was made. Family court has become more powerful than criminal court. at least in criminal court your presumed innocent.

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  9. Did she do the service or tell them to stick it? What was required? Is she willing to name the Judge and social worker in this case?

    Truly sickening.

  10. Wow..yikes. That just doesn’t make any sense at all…! My first mom hid her pregnancy (me) for nine months from my grandparents and didn’t tell them until her water broke. After she left the hospital, not knowing what else to do with a post partum 17 year old, grounded her for two weeks. And I thought THAT was harsh???


  11. WTF?!

    Uhhh…ok, again, wtf?!

    It would be kick @ss if this woman was willing to step up and out and throw this out to the public.


  12. Laurel – I wish she would. This mom is very private about the stuff. I need to respect that. I felt bad even posting this here but I dont believe I have revealed much about her. And I was so angry, so shocked, I had to vent and share yet another judgement cast down on a mother for giving her child that so called better life.

  13. Suz, this is shocking and unbelievable.

    Violation of “puritan value” sounds too stuck up and taking it out ONLY on the mother is sexist, too. If there is indeed that law and if it has anything to do with religion (does it?), then they are a disgrace because even Christ would not have done such a thing.

    Whatever the reason or case, it’s twisted, that judge must be schizophrenic. Oh boy, my heart goes out to that poor mother…

  14. Hazel – You make a fabulous point about taking it only on the mother. That thought hadn’t even occurred to me. I am currently investigating further. See, I live in the state this happened in. I dislike noting that becuase again I was trying to show the info without violating the moms privacy but since others want more and are questioning the validating (see my upcoming post) I am indeed looking into and seeing if I can do anything about it (again, since I live in the state).

    And hey, good to hear from you again!

  15. Suz, I hope you’re able to do something to help her. I am horrified hearing the experiences of mothers who were, as far as I am concerned, abused through botched medical procedures or other ways of making them “pay” for their “sins”. It all goes under the table because mothers who surrender are made to feel so ashamed they feel like they can’t speak up. I am happy to write letters or whatever it takes to help these women.

  16. In the interest of full disclosure, I am an adoptive father through open adoption and foster father. My wife was also adopted.

    This judge needs a full psych evaluation.

    Some of the dynamics behind the adoption process are in fact disturbing, bus some of the stuff I have heard makes the various irrationalities I have directly experienced look positively tame. But THIS is over the top.

  17. i would think the adoptors would LOVE that she is sentenced as a criminal would be. just re-enforces the assertion that she is unfit.

  18. It would be good to know what charge (trumped up, puritan, or otherwise) was used to allow the sentence of community service.

    Or are you saying the adoption order itself got the add-on sentence? I don’t believe that.

    • Ooooh, squeee, a round of lets doubt the victim. Always such fun!

      Jon – Give me a few days to contact my friend. I know her personally as she and I both surrendered our children to this network of baby brokers. I will let her know that a stranger on the internet thinks she is making up the story about the most traumatic experience of her life and see if she will provide more details that prove she is telling the truth. (No, not really as she is no more obligated to you than I am. Shame how surrendering mothers in adoption are always the bad guys.)

  19. I was in a Salvation Army M&BHome. My beautiful baby was dual race, therefore I was made to feel so so greatful they were hoping to get a GOOD Family for him. I was 17yrs, a true green country bumkin, I had fallen in love for the first time, I never saw colour, culture, or understood his religion, we were young and our love CONQUERED these manmade obstacles, I AM STILL SERVING MY LIFE SENTENCE. During my incarceration in the penal servitude harsh heartless regime, yes under the guise of “christianity” they banished me to their DOSS HOUSE,(Hobo House) BECAUSE, I broke their rules. My baby was teething he was 7 months old, I sneaked into his drab heartless room to comfort him, this was NOT ALLOWED, it was OUT OF BOUNDS TO ME HIS MUM, only staff were allowed, I only was allowed my baby during feeding time, I broke their bloody rules three times, I was getting to attached to baby was their outburst to me, therefore they had to separate us,…can you just pause for a minute and IMAGINE THIS, what mother on this earth when hearing her baby cry, would not RUN to comfort. 17yrs and BANISHED to their Doss House, I remained in their DOSS HOUSE, till adoption, then after adoption, returned to the M&BH. they made me SPRING CLEAN the OFFICERS QUARTERS to keep me occupied so as not to get upset at loosing my baby, their answer was to WORK US PHYSICALLY HARD so as WE WOULD FORGET, my baby was 9months old when adopted, and they kept me there for another 10 days, just incase the adopters changed their minds, so you can see how they treat us mums, we were treated as the LOWEST of the LOW 47 years ago, SOCIETIES FILTH, quotes judge Benjamin Lindsay, and we are treated just as bad today,Societies Filth, is a quote from Regina Kunzels book Fallen Women Problem Girls the professionalization of social work, read it, she is a prestigious American historian. Forgive my grammar, punctuation, spelling, as we mothers of loss have such a psychological legacy, mine is I cannot remember my English grammar, my brain is frazzled due to adoption fall-out, and I cannot remember what I said or did 5 SECONDS AGO, I was a great speller, but I need a dictionary beside me constantly, YES this is the seared mind of a mother of such a loss, the bloody titel of our loss …..ADOPTION…I bloody hate that very word.

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