There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents … and only one for birthday presents, you know. – Lewis Carroll

My daughters birthday is six days after mothers day. The only way this could suck more is if it was ON Mothers day. Thank goddess it is not.

The good news is that I took the advice of an adoptive mom reader and made a donation to a musical charity in memory of my daughter. I struggled with what to put in the box that asked for the name or details. I simply put that I made the donation in memory of my daughter born on May 16th.

I am not permitted by her to use her amended name and she doesnt recognize her original name and as such I swung like a monkey between the broken branches of our family tree and struggled with what to put there.  The words  "my daughter" and her birthdate seemed emotionally and politically correct. I disliked "in memory" as that sounds like she is deceased. The other option was "in honor of" but that implied to me that I should use her name. What one to use?

Ugh. Words. Words. Words.  So complicated.  Adoption makes the most natural things incredibly unnatural.

Interestingly, the charity is based in the same state and area that my daughter was raised in. The level of donation I made was called "Promoter" by the organization. That amused me as well as my daughter works for a music promotion firm.   The stars seemed to align (or adoption synchronicity was at work once again).  The organization contacted me and informed me that my donation would provide musical instruction and intruments for an entire classroom.  That fact somehow lessens the pain of not being able to send my first born child a birthday gift.

Thank you to the adoptive mom who made the suggestion.

Happy earlier birthday to my daughter and happy mothers day to me — for all my children.

2 Thoughts.

  1. Suz,
    Hope you choose to accept these sincere thoughts and wishes from me. Still read/appreciate many of your blog entries. My daughter’s birthday is the 14th and HAS fell on Mother’s Day during the “dark days” of true hell on earth. I CAN understand your pain, and KNOW that one day your beautiful daughter will welcome you. I know my words carry no true comfort for you, but they are sincere and for some reason, I can honestly say I KNOW it WILL happen…Sincerely, ~diane

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