Cosmic Treasures (or Not)

This past week has been a strange one for me. A number of incidents occurred that I can only chalk up to the universe giving me yet another good old adoption bonk on the head. Consider the following.

I Heard Her Voice

My daughter posted not one, but two, YouTube videos to her public twitter feed. Naturally I listened and within a matter of moments was in tears. She was acting silly with coworkers. I heard her voice clearly, saw her mannerisms, how she sounds and moves her body. It was a bit overwhelming to say the least. Overall? Bittersweet. I appreciated the opportunity to hear and see her but oh, my, did it send me spiraling backwards for a few days.

(This is the moment where the adoption trolls usually come out and tell me I am violating my daughters’ privacy by watching her twitter feed. I disagree. If she puts it public for the entire world to see, I have free reign to watch it as well, so go away, trolls).

P.S. She has a really nice voice.


If He Had Married Me

I left my employer of eight years two weeks ago. I started at a new employer, doing similar work but in a completely new industry. Imagine my surprise on the second day when I hear the receptionist page Suzan [Birthfathers Last Name].

Yes, I now work with someone named the exact same name I would have had if my daughters father chose to marry me in 1985 instead of, well, not marrying me.

Well Meaning Friends

My 30 year high school reunion is coming up this weekend. The invite went out via Facebook and there was an associated group. This means I can now see names/profiles of former high school classmates and they can see me even if we are not Facebook friends. I perused the list and also the ticket sale site to see who was going. I was pleased to learn a friend (now a resident of Florida) will be in attendance. Seeing her name on the reunion page reminded me of what must have been our 20 year reunion. I found my daughter just before that reunion and I had a line put in the reunion program directed to that friend. It simply said friend’s name, followed by I FOUND HER! I was so excited back then. I was so hopeful, so happy, so wanting to share my daughter with the world that had denied her. I knew friend would understand the message. She did. In fact, the instant she read it she sought me out and we hugged and cried.

Ten years later and I am pretty much in the same place. I found her – that’s about it.

(I am still going to hug that friend this coming weekend when I see her. )

Uncertain on Meaning Friends

Earlier today, one of those reunion “friends” took it up themselves to send me a link to my daughters’ fathers’ Facebook page. The message said “did you know he was on Facebook?”.

Ugh. Jesus H. No. Why would I?

Why was friend looking (birthfather did not go to my high school and is not going to our reunion) and why did friend feel it necessary to share with me?

I responded and stated “No, I did not know”. I had nothing more to say. To me it felt vaguely like rubbing a dog’s nose in their own accident. It felt callous and mean.

But perhaps I am overly sensitive.

(Yes, I looked at his profile. ‘Nuff said.)





5 Thoughts.

  1. Wow! That’s a lot of cosmic aligning (or not?) going on!

    Is this snoopy friend named Melanie by any chance? An ex-friend of mine has infiltrated the adoption search and reunion community in my hometown, after I asked her a question about something related to Christopher’s birth after we were reunited. It’s very creepy, especially since she has no other connection to adoption that I know of, just that we were friends at the time I got pregnant. We have not been friends for over 30 years. I have blocked her from my fb after seeing that she was trying to find info on Christopher’s father, apparently assuming I didn’t already know due to the one question I asked her. Today I saw that she commented on Sandy Musser’s post about asking for a pardon – the comment was stupid, proving she has no clue…

    • Nope, not Melanie. What is it with certain people? Are they that clueless to their actions or do they foolishly think they are helping some how? I have a family member like Melanie and a few other friends. THe ironic part is they often complain we are not close, I do not trust them, and yet they pull stupid shit like what we reference.

  2. Once you put something out there in a public space on the internet, anyone can comment, follow up, do what they want with the information. You may not like what your former friends did with information about your searches and reunions, but once the information is put out there, you have no control over it. Just as Suz said about her daughter’s public Youtube pieces, they are public so she did not feel like she was stalking by looking at them. Think twice and twice more about anything said in a public space, because anyone can do what they want with it and you never really know who knows who.

    I would not be so quick to impute bad intent to the person who sent you the birthfather’s Facebook page. I do not know what your relationship has been with the birthfather, that may impact how you feel. Many birthmothers would be interested in such a page, especially if they had no contact with the man in many years. I found a public video my son’s birthfather’s students had made a few years ago when he was teaching at a college. I sent it to my son, and also to my friends who had known him when we were going out years ago. It was very funny and interesting to see he had also gained some weight as well as lost some hair. If one of my friends had found it first and sent it to me I would have appreciated it, not gotten upset.

    • Your point on the bdad is noted but yes, given this person and the history, it was definitely not sent with any good kind of intent. I know where he is, how he is, who his other children are, where he works, etc. No need for anyone to do that work for me. This person (and their role in my past relationship) was not being kind. No doubt they saw my name on the reunion list and decided to go snooping. I have no space for such drama in my life.

  3. That makes it more clear that this person was not a friend. Thanks, Suz. At my 50th high school class reunion recently I wrote up my adoption reunion with my son for the booklet about “what have you been doing?” that was distributed at the reunion. I was in college when I got pregnant so there was none of the drama of high school cattiness involved, which I think makes a difference. The only people from my class who knew my ex-boyfriend and knew about the pregnancy and surrender were those I am still friends with today. The rest I do not care what they think of me, but in fact everyone was very nice, even those who had been mean girls in high school.

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