AFF: Sort Of

Its adoption free Friday for me and while this post is slightly tinged with adoption it is not my intent. Below song is our song. By our song I mean my song with my fiance. It is the ring tone on my phone when he calls me. It is a song we danced to in our kitchen right after we moved into our house last year. It is a song that touches me deeply and moves me to tears.  Sadly (or not), my relationship with my darling Rich is the first one where I truly felt supported, loved and stood by.

Silly example that I doubt Rich is even aware of.

Last year, around this time, we were beginning to make preparations to buy a home together.  We had given notice to our individuals landlords. My lease was month to month that required only 30 days notice of intent to vacate.  Rich’s landlord required sixty days.

While the sixty days had been provided, the closer he got to move out the nastier his landlord became. Long long story short we ended up taking the landlord to court for return of security deposit monies.  (We won).  Prior to the court action we attempted to resolve the matter with the landlord.

Rich and I visited the landlord. I had a camera. Due to events that lead up to the day, I was prepared to photograph the condition we left the apartment in. Landlord was startled by this but permitted it.  After taking photos, Rich attempted to settle the issues.  Landlord statements were nonsensical and circular. All attempts to make sense of the situation, to get the landlord to state his desires and clear objections failed. At one point in the conversation, I piped up and asked landlord if he understood the law (he clearly didn’t) and had he ever rented before.  At this statement from me, Landlord lunged at me in anger. I have no idea what he was going to do but his rapid angry movement startled me enough to back up.  It also surprised Rich for in that moment in time, he lurched forward and uttered something like “Hey now..” in an attempt to get between me and the Landlord. I was deeply touched.


He stood up for me, put himself in the line of fire, attempted to protect me.

Up to that point in my life, no one had ever done that, under any circumstances.  Not my parents, siblings, daughters father, ex husband. I always felt like it was me against the world and no one had my back.  I had never felt that someone was on my side, had my interests and safety in mind.  Rich’s lunging between me and the enraged landlord did more than protect me in that current situation. It healed a wounded part of my heart…and I fell even more deeply in love with him. The man would literally go to battle for me.

So yeah, he stands by me and I stand by him. Love you babe and I love our song.


13 Thoughts.

  1. This brought tears, Suz. I completely understand how you felt…before Rich came along… That’s the way I feel. I’ve never had someone who was willing to step in front of me and defend/protect me. What an awesome blessing Rich is to you…and how deserving you are to HAVE that person in your life…that holds your heart so gently. I hope I find a ‘Rich’ one day (sooner than later!).

    • Laurel – I hope you do too! And I hope you do it sooner and with more personal dignity than I did. Took me a lot of heartache, mistreatment (of myself by myself as well as others) and more to get to where I could accept the type of love a man like Rich offers. Growing up the way I did, living through what I did with the loss of my daughter, jaded me a great deal on people and their intents. I owe much to my old therapist, to Rich and to many wonderful people I have only known in cyberspace. Hugs to you.

  2. It means so much to be defended.

    Your post reminded me of a childhood experience. My two siblings and I were visiting a wax museum without our parents. Because of the admission cost, my mom and dad decided they would wait outside the exit for us. Within seconds of entering the museum a figure we believed to be a wax dummy starting walking toward us in a slow, zombie type fashion. We freaked! Our ages ranged from likely age 6 to 13 with my sister being the oldest at 13. I will never forget her standing in front of my younger brother and myself, arms spread wide in protection screaming “stop!” while stomping her one foot. She was terrified as well but stood her ground against a monster in order to defend her little brother and sister.

    • Campbell – Now THAT brings tears to my eyes. And yes, it means a great deal to have someone defend you. This particular thing is HUGE for me. Think of it in the context of a mother being pregnant, being sent away to strangers, with all ignoring her, pretending she didnt exist, telling her that she was so awful her own child was better off without her, telling her that even the Roman Catholic gods had damned her. How I just wanted ONE person back then to be on my side. I imagine things might have gone very differently. Kudos to your sister!

      • Oh, I can only imagine how it would feel in a serious situation as you describe to have nobody to defend. It’s heartbreaking really. I mean, I get all bent out of shape when my husband fails to “back me up” in some minor daily life thing that he didn’t even realize I wanted or felt I needed defending.

        Just last night I was a little pouty that the people who agreed with my point of view didn’t speak up and let me fend for myself in a lively (bordering on heated) discussion among friends.

        In a serious life changing matter, especially for a young person, it’s
        beyond sad they’d have nobody to come to their defense. It’s life changing.

  3. I can tell u I reacted from a loving and insticual part of myself…with apologies to my therapist, nobody is getting at ‘my woman’ without going through me first….and NO I do not mean suz is my possession or anything of the sort. I simply mean no entity is harming my loved ones if I can prevent it.

  4. Wow the exlandlord sounds like a dick. And Rich sounds like a dream! Where do you find men like this?! I’m moving to your town lol.

    I was deeply touched by this post, for both the connection it has to adoption, and for the simple fact that it is about love at its best. And I think we all could use a story like that once and a while 🙂

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