The Dog Ate It

"I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess." – Martin Luther

Is it not considered that important? Do they really “lose” it and not care about it?

I find this hard to believe but of course I view it from my perspective of loss. My position where every little scrap of paper, picture, remnant of my daughter is treated like gold.

I have a fire proof box in my house that contains everything. I have carried around that box since the day I lost her and it means as much to me as one of my children. In an odd sort of way, it is my daughter. What little I was allowed to keep and hold on to I did.  And I held onto it with a mad fury.

I once misplaced the contents. I had a massive panic attack. Falling over, hit the floor, screaming, crying cannot breathe reaction. My husband, bless his soul, spent hours tearing apart our garage looking for the information.  He found it. I calmed down. Came back to reality.

I save AIM conversations, emails, pictures, website addresses, hospital records, adoption surrender forms, my ID from when I was pregnant with her and working at St. Josephs Hospital, pictures of the maternity home.  It’s quite a collection.

And it’s priceless. Just like my daughter.

Again, for this reason I cannot understand how an adoptive parent can tell an adopted child that they don’t have their adoption decree or any papers related to their adoption. That they lost the paperwork or were never given any.

Say what?

I would think a legal document (it is legal, isn’t it?) like this would be important to keep. In a safe? A deposit box? With your lawyer or something? Or does it mean nothing to the adoptive parents? I ask that seriously. I just don’t know. Is it a useless piece of information never to be needed once you have someone else’s child in your arms?

I have been helping quite a few adoptees search in recent weeks.  Some of my adoptee friends have the decrees and they say things like “BABY GIRL ORIGINAL_LAST_NAME”. This original last name can be very helpful in a search.

  1. Why don’t some adoptive parents have that?
  2. Does it vary by State?
  3. Why do some say they got it but the information was blacked out? (Same adoptive parents won’t produce that blacked out copy for verification).
  4. Why would an adoptee born in IL and adopted into NJ have differing information than another adoptee born in IL and adopted into NJ? (Where oodles of  Easter House adoptees can be found)
  5. Or, are some adoptive parents, (as I believe and my friends believe) just withholding the information? Are they claiming the dog ate the paperwork so they can avoid accepting the very real fact that their child is indeed someone elses child too?
  6. Do they really think they are helping the matter by denying their child this information?
  7. Why do so few adoptive parents realize that helping your child will only bring you closer – NOT farther away. They will respect you because you are showing you respect them.

Where is that paperwork?

2 Thoughts.

  1. I think it’s odd/ awful too. We got a safe for our kids’ adoption paperwork, and we also made copies of pictures we have of them as babies with their birthmoms, so there are duplicates in case something odd should befall the indestructible safe. But yeah, other aparents we know are careless with their papers and can’t imagine their kids wanting it.

  2. Suz: You always seem to say what I think to myself over and over. Where is that paper work? How does one actually destroy a legal document such as the adoption papers. How do you just throw it away? So, I have to say that when they take the child, its theirs, its over. No need to save something that is not important for that child to know. Its a disgrace to the soul. And its selfish and deceitful. They cant erase the starting point. I will find my son!

Comments are closed.