Dawn shared this in her google shares. Since I generally like all Dawn has to say and write, I stopped by this blog.
And like, whoa…yeah, exactly.
Not much more to this post than what I excerpt and credit here but honestly there doesn’t need to be much more. The author’s word say it all.
“When you’re young and pregnant and everyone is trying to get you to relinquish your baby, one of the selling points is that having a baby will prevent you from accomplishing anything in your life. If, like me, you were on the fast track to college and some great life beyond, they can really hammer this point. What they don’t realize/know/tell you/care about is that the loss is likely going to devastate you so much that you’ll be virtually paralyzed … for a very long time. Your life doesn’t continue on as though you never had your baby. Your life is completely transformed into something you don’t recognize, can’t identify with and CAN’T TALK ABOUT WITH ANYONE, let alone someone who might understand. It isn’t until you meet other mothers like you that you will hear someone say they know how it feels, that you aren’t crazy.” – Stupidhippy.com
I have more to say on this but I am a little choked up.
Hindsight being 20/20 and all those other stupid retrospective learning, I strongly resent the implication that my daughter would have ruined my life had I kept her. I equally resent the implication, then and now, that I would have ruined hers.
However my life, my future motherhood, my ability to be a wife and partner, was forever – negatively – altered. I was not saved from some awful fate. I was dealt one. I was intelligent, resourceful, and much more BEFORE I got pregnant (which is why my daughter was such a highly sought after product by Easter House. White female born to a intellectually gifted non drug using college accepted employed high school senior? KACHING!). I did not suddenly become a contributing member of society following adoption surrender. I always was one. Unfortunately, my crime, as it may be said, is I realized this too late.
Thank you stupidhippy, seems to me you aren’t stupid at all.
angelle2
05/03/2010
“Your life is completely transformed into something you don’t recognize, can’t identify with and CAN’T TALK ABOUT WITH ANYONE”
Me too…..all of it.
Susie
05/04/2010
Yeah… me too… all of it…
Thankfully, there are women like you Suz, out there in the www. Where I have been able to “meet other mothers like you that you will hear someone say they know how it feels, that you aren’t crazy.”
maybe
05/04/2010
“However my life, my future motherhood, my ability to be a wife and partner, was forever – negatively – altered.”
I’ve never been able to make those things work. I did manage to finish college, after several starts and stops, and I excelled at grad school, the only time I can recall feeling quite good post-relinquishment. I’ve decided to focus on making money (seems to be my replacement baby). Anything else, not so much.
I refuse to be crazy and talking with other mothers is the best medicine.
Denise
05/06/2010
Man, that quote. It took me three days to recover from reading it.
If only the rest of the world could understand…
Anne
05/09/2010
This is an EXACT quote of what I wish someone would have told me BEFORE I placed my baby boy. I was so…convinced by the world that I was making the right decision to relinquish him.
thanks for passing it along, I’ll have to check her out more.
Rosemary
05/13/2010
AMEN!! This is such an intelligent and well written post and it just smacks the truth in the face. I am sorry for your loss but I am glad that you are writing. Your voice is strong and brave.