Writing My Wrongs

I am going to be using this blog to process my feelings related to my daughters sexuality “outing”.  If you are disturbed by this, I am not sorry (LOL). . I hope you will at least hang around to read for perhaps you will learn something about others, the younger generation, perhaps even your own child.

I know in the few days since I learned the news I have learned much. I want to archive and at the same time share what I am learning and others are sharing. One such example comes via  the text of an email I received from a blog reader/friend. I wont give too much detail into her identity as she would rather not be further “outted”. I do have her permission to share the below.  I encourage you to open your mind and consider what she has to say.

(Did anyone besides me find it strange that so few people commented on this topic? Should I take that as a sign of reader discomfort or should I perhaps assume maybe my readers aren’t all here yet due to my platform change? Regardless, I do find the lack of commentary on this recent topic to be very telling. Equally so that many wrote me privately but would not comment here. No judgement from me, just general observation and the usual over analysis by me. But right, my friends words..)

She said:

There is a very newish culture of gender / sexuality coming about where people just don’t want to identify with any of it. For example, technically speaking, I am a woman, and I am bi-sexual. But, when I start talking deeply about myself to another person who understands, I don’t really identify with a gender or sexual preference. I’m not a woman or a man, or transgender, or androgynous (though it most closely resembles what I am) but, the fact is that gender roles tend to define all of these. Butch lesbian or femme lesbian? Masculine gay man or fairie gay man? The thing is… is that most people are a combination of “masculine” and “feminine” traits. And, historically, most of the ones that are perceived as negative, come with a label. Women who are assertive are a bitch. Men who are sensitive are pansies. And, humans are amorphous, one day sensitive, the next hard inside. We are flexible, striving to be authentic, and finding that these labels tend to restrict us. Some of us accept some of them, but many of us, secretly or out loud, refuse to define ourselves this way. In a patriarchal system, it is all so negative.

In terms of sexuality… when a person does not fit in to a gender, how can one say what one’s sexual identity is? If some days I feel like a man, and I’m attracted to men, am I gay? If one day I feel feminine and am attracted to a woman, am I lesbian? If one day I feel a bit of both, and am attracted to men or women, does that make me bi? And, what if I am attracted to others who also do not identify with a gender? Well, if there are only two genders, than bi-sexual is also limiting. And, to identify as any one of these sexual preferences, limits one’s ability to change.

It limits one’s ability to be attracted to a person, rather than a gender. Identifying as a gender limits one’s ability to freely associate with all human traits.

The above paragraphs educate, intrigue, and simultaneously mystify me.  I have more to say, much more, but for now, I will leave you to chew on the above. And maybe comment? (Comments of disagreement are welcome provided they are respectful. I encourage differing opinions).