Let Us Talk Small World

The email came from my boss late on Wednesday.  The subject read “Interviews”. Upon opening the Outlook message I discover boss is conducting a series of interviews for a new role in our group. He advises that I and several key personnel will be asked to interview candidates for the role. He stresses that he is looking predominantly for a creative person. The position is a highly creative one and he wants someone oozing creativity.  He is not overly concerned that the person will be supporting our mobile apps. He wants design and creative talent above mobile experience.

Interviews are conducted and as of this morning I have seen three of possible six candidates.  I am the content queen in that I manage our team of writers, editors and content managers. I also manage our site search and specialize in things like metadata, folksonomies and the like. I would provide resources/input to the person hired for this mobile role. My opinion is valued.

First candidate? Maybe. Second and third. No.  Fourth candidate? Interesting.  As with all others, I am sent the resume, agenda and links to URL in advance. I check out the candidate. I also view Linked In.  I am prepared. I have formulated my questions and reviewed the form HR provided as a guide. I am first on the agenda and expecting security to call me to sign the person in.  Arrival time passes and I am confused. I begin to walk downstairs to security.  Walking downstairs requires me to walk by my boss’s office. As I walk by, I peek in (as I always do) and recognize the candidate in his office.  Ah! Clearly he has commandeered my time slot.  The door is open so I walk right in and give him a look that clearly says “HEY! What the hell. You took my time slot!”.  He smiles.

“Suz! Come in. Suz this is Candidate.” he says. I smile and say something like I figured that out, or I recognized her.

“How about I ping you on Lync in a few minutes when we are done?” boss asks.

“We are scheduled for 319. I will go there now. Why don’t you bring her over there when you are done?” I suggest.

“Great. Will do!” he smiles. Candidate smiles as well.

I make my way to the conference room and situate myself with my laptop and the candidate materials.  I reach out to the coworker that is scheduled to interview Candidate with me. He is working remotely. I message him on Lync and let him know I am going to call and conference him as soon as candidate joins me.

In relatively short order, boss shows up with candidate.  He reintroduces us. Candidate sits down.  Boss leaves.  Candidate speaks.

“I think I already know you.” she says.

Befuddled, I pause. I have never met this person before.  Do not know her. Never heard of her. She flew in from the Midwest for our interview.  How can she know me?

Candidate proceeds to tell me that she has been working on a novel. This is not news to me. I visited her site. I read some of her manuscript.  Acknowledging that, I shake my head. She continues.

“So, one of my characters, the mother, has an adoption theme.  So I google and do some research and I find your blog.  I have been reading you blog for some time now.” she offers.

I am surprised.

“Wow. Really? Oh my. That is a coincidence.” I respond.

She continues talking. I don’t really hear it. I am conscious of the fact we are supposed to be conducting an interview and my colleague is listening in via speaker phone.

Candidate says something about that topic perhaps isn’t appropriate and suggests maybe I don’t discuss it at work.

The interview begins (and goes well).

Synchronicity or Something Else

Yes, a stranger was flown out from the Midwest to meet with me and five of my professional colleagues and unbeknownst to me she is a reader of this very blog.

Jung might call this synchronicity. Friends would call it (and have) “No surprise”. In my personal vernacular it is called Cosmic Shit.

My point in sharing this is that you never know when your adoption blog, history, story may pop up and surprise you. I appreciate Candidate was sensitive to my story however I don’t hide it. As shared last year, one of my staff adopted and I shared with her my feelings on it.  While I do not walk around my professional office with a sandwich board that says “I gave my first born child away to strangers in 1986” I am totally okay with discussing it if asked. I cannot do what I do, work towards the goals I have if I am not willing to use my name and my very real, very painful experience.  Adoption is rife with lies and secrets and shame. I am done with it.  To make change, we must all be done with it.  I am happy to start.

Use my name freely. I am not proud of what I did by any means but it happened. I did it. It is real and for me, it was wrong. For many other mothers and adoptees, it is also very wrong. Adoption will never be a good thing to any degree if even one mother and child pair  is needlessly separated.  My story is written.  I made my decision and my daughter has made hers. I hope in sharing my words, my experience, I can help to make sure future mothers stories read vastly different than mine.

(Hi! Candidate!)







3 Thoughts.

  1. Hi Suz! 🙂
    I for one think you have absolutely nothing to be “not” proud about with regards to your decisions in the 1980’s. You did what you had to do at the time and what the circumstances dictated that you did. It wasn’t done by chance or because you were a bad person. I know that this has all been hashed up on the blog before, but I feel the need to voice this.

    I know that I do not know you very well, mainly through your writing, and now I’ve met you face to face – I get that. But what I see is an amazingly strong person that has had her feet set to the fire and a young individual. From that point on decisions were made and they’ve shaped who you’ve become and you should be incredibly proud. If those events wouldn’t have hashed out the way they did – yes, the events you aren’t proud of – you wouldn’t be the person you are today. I believe you are an inspiration to all women that have either gone through these sets of circumstances, know someone who has, or is a child that has been affected. You have a real opportunity to reach others and make an enormous difference. This is a fantastic gift that you’ve been given. You can turn this Cosmic Shit into gold (and I’m quite sure you already have in the lives of many).

    Sure, it would be great to go back in time and have a do over and see how it turns out. If that were possible our lives would be incredibly boring and little to no growth would occur.

    I am incredibly impressed with your strength, transparency and your position. Wear the fact that you are a birth mother on your sleeve and tell everyone about it. Scream it. It happened for a reason and the reason is to help others. Remember, fuck the haters.

  2. Pingback: On Authenticity | Writing My Wrongs

Comments are closed.