Mama Mia

"The whole idea of compassion is based on a keen awareness of the interdependence of all these living beings, which are all part of one another, and all involved in one another.” – Thomas Merton

Taken from Mia.


Primal Wound explained a bit differently.

"To Whom It May Concern:

I miss and need my mother. It is no matter to me, the circumstances that led to this day. I am not aware of them. I will not understand them for many years to come – if ever. All I know is that my mother has disappeared. Please show me empathy for this profound loss until and unless I tell you I no longer need it.

Never forget that I spent the first months of my life with my mother getting to know, intimately, her voice, her heartbeat, her taste, her scent, her rhythms, her laughter, and so much more. She has been my Universe since the day I was conceived. Because I am human, I was designed to need and want the familiarity of these things upon emergence from her womb to make me feel safe, to trust, and to feel a part of the Family of Man.

Never forget I have lost these things. I have lost my Universe. I may be your Universe now, but you are not mine now.

Despite your desire for a baby, please understand that, to me, you do not smell right, sound right… feel right. Because of this, understand that I am going to resist you. Understand that I will not trust you, because I lost my nascent sense of trust when I lost my mother. I will have to learn a different kind of trust, and that will take a great deal of work on your part.

Also understand that I will carry the memory of my loss (though hidden from my conscious memory) forever. My bones know it, my heart knows it, my soul knows it. Whether you are honest with me or not, I will always know it, so it would be wise not set up a scenario for my feelings of your betrayal.

I was born with a given set of characteristics and personality. They will not reflect those of your own family. I compel you to honor and respect them. Do not try to mold me to your own; I will resent it forever. If you truly care about my well-being you must perceive, respect, and nurture the person I was born to be. You must also honor and respect my own family – and my relationship to it.

If there is even one feeling or request that you find uncomfortable in this notice, please return me forthwith to my mother. For all her faults, she is still what I want and need most. I would rather live with her in a cold-water flat with just a few rags of clothing than in your 4-bedroom house with a fenced yard and nice dog.

Thank you.


<Signed with baby’s footprints>

Copyright © Julie A. Rist 2007"

6 Thoughts.

  1. I’m glad YOU aren’t getting pummelled with insults! It’s an important message, one that is clearly still completely misunderstood by some.

  2. ha ha. mia. i saw that. those people are idiots. you handled them well. of course you know i struggled with my response to that one person. ignorant oafs.

  3. Oh wow. Can I have this? I’m so shaken up by reading it. That could be me saying that. It’s especially poignant because I just recently broached the subject of missing Mom C as a newborn. She doesn’t believe I did. I don’t think it makes sense to force her to see my feeling but if this type of letter can make mothers who are considering placing their child for adoption think twice or evoke extra empathy and compassion in adoptive parents, it needs to be reposted again and again, everywhere. Wow.
    BTW Who the hell would insult this? I would like to break their head…I mean set them straight. Who is so much in denial to think that a baby without it’s first mother wouldn’t feel this way?
    Strangley, the letter makes me feel understood. Does that make sense? Keep being you, Suz. I love you for it. Rebecca

  4. becca – glad you liked it. i did too. i saw your comments on mias blog. amazes me how people can be so clueless and so rude, you know? they speak from a place of intense ignorance and insecurity for sure.

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