Living Dual Lives

Mothers Jane and Lorraine over at First Mother Forum have a most excellent post today regarding the dual lives lived by mothers like me, them and possibly even you. I encourage you to read it. Link and abstract below.

Natural Mothers Dual Lives
Yet the truth is, all of us who lost a child to adoption also have a separate life inside adoption. For many of us it was for years a secret life, existing only in our memories and imagination. Eventually the secret became impatient to be free and we reunited with our lost child and introduced her to our families.” – First Mother Forum

The post reminded me of my own duality. It has decreased since I found my daughter. It has also been helped by the fact I divorced a man that was ashamed of me and married one that openly claimed me. Acceptance is an incredible healing aid.

Pondering the FMF post and my own life lead me to thoughts about this blog. My daughter has only been here once, maybe twice, that I know of. Early in reunion she told me she stopped by and it “made her puke”. In those days I used to check stats regularly hoping I would see her here. While I saw her adoptive parents a few times, I never saw her. That may be a good thing or a bad thing.

This blog is the only “public” exposure my daughter may have to me since she has no desire to know me. I will admit it concerns me that she may have formed a one sided view of me. As mentioned in Jane and Lorraine post, adoption trauma, activism, is indeed a large part of me. However, it is not all of me.

This blog may give her, and others, the impression I am a basket case clutching a snot rag and grasping for walls.

I am not.

I am so much more.

I wish she could know that.

The Good Adoptee [Play]


I am so excited to share with you that my friend Suzanne Bachner’s play,  The Good Adoptee, is being performed by the amazing actress, Anna Bridgforth, and presented in November as part of the United Solo Theatre Festival on Theatre Row in New York City to coincide with Adoption Awareness Month.

The Good Adoptee is the true story of Suzanne’s search for her origins in the face of New York State’s sealed records. The play is anti-secrecy, anti-shame, pro-open records, pro-adoptee rights and pro-all parents.

The first just SOLD OUT ( Tuesday, November 3 @ 9PM ) and United Solo just gave Suzanne and the team an additional show: Saturday, November 14 @ 2PM. United Solo has a rich history as a producer and supporter of theatre by adoptees about adoption since its inception.

I am all over this and let Suzanne know I will be there. Will you?

For more information visit the play internet page.

A Life Let Go

Hat tip to Susie at Finding Christopher for bringing my awareness to the book A Life Let Go: A Memoir and Five Birth Mother Stories of Closed Adoption by Patricia Florin.

Excerpt from Amazon:

Closed adoption, heralded as the answer to the problem of unplanned pregnancy, shows its other side in A Life Let Go, A Memoir and Five Birth Mother Stories of Closed Adoption. These women tell how they experienced unplanned pregnancy in the restrictiveness of the last decades of the twentieth century. All gave up a child in closed adoption—the only option—understanding they would never see them again, a dark contract made under great duress. “

I ordered it from Barnes and Noble.  Will let you know my thoughts soon.

Have you read it?