Adoption PTSD

Let’s Talk Management of Collateral Damage

- Suz 4 Comments

We have talked about collateral damage and how to mitigate it pre surrender. Now let us move to management of collateral damage. Consider this scenario, one that is all too real for many of us:

Mother was sent away to give birth alone. She received little or no options counseling. Her only info on adoption was provided by the agency that stood to profit from the sale of her child.  Informed consent was limited to an explanation of the final and irrevocable surrender to adoption. She was told she would “get over it”, have other children and move on with her life.  Post surrender she experiences something vastly different.  Immediately she suffers from nightmares, anxiety and depression. She finds it hard to be around children or see images of children.   Relationships are difficult for her to maintain.  She finds herself drawn to men that abuse her and is unable to keep a regular job due to her anxiety and depression.  Her relationships with family and friends at home are strained.  All refuse to discuss her child.  Her own mother gets angry at her when she brings up the subject. All she wants is her child back.

Where does she go for help and support?  What would you tell her to do?  What has worked for you in attempting to “heal” from the loss of your child to adoption?  Please be specific.    For example, instead of “get therapy” please share what type of therapy you recommend (or not).

 

Let’s Talk Collateral Damage : Pot Luck

- Suz 6 Comments

Today’s final post on Collateral Damage is a pot luck post. You tell me anything I may have overlooked in relation to the impact adoption surrender had on your life.

It can be anything from your relationships to family and friends, your children, your health, your marriage, you emotional well being.

Next week we will talk about ways to mitigate the damage. Mitigation is the the action of reducing the severity, seriousness, or painfulness of something. If we know surrendering mothers might experience some of these challenges, what can we do to reduce the severity of them post surrender? I realize the obvious mitigation is to avoid surrender completely and preserve the family. However, in the cases where this cannot happen, what can we offer to those expectant mothers prior to surrender?

Finally, managing the damage post surrender. The adoption surrender has already happened. Mother is in throes of post traumatic stress disorder. What improvements need to be made to help mothers manage this? These are all topics for next week.

For today, share your pot luck damage.

Have a great Friday.

Let’s Talk Collateral Damage : Mental Health

- Suz 12 Comments

Yesterday we talked about collateral damage as it related to your extended family and the loss of your child from that family. Today I want to talk first mother mental health. Very technically, one could argue, first mother mental health is not collateral damage since it applies to the original target – the mother. I disagree. I do believe it applies. Let me explain why.

As noted, collateral damage generally applies to “unintentional deaths, injuries, or other damage inflicted incidentally on an unintended target. In military terminology, it is frequently used where non-combatants are unintentionally killed or wounded and/or non-combatant property damage results of an attack on a legitimate military target.” (Wikipedia)

Mothers are most often told that surrendering your child will be a non event in their lives. They will “get over it”. They will “move on” seemingly unscathed. This may be true for some but for many this is not at all the case. Many mothers experience secondary infertility, struggle with anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation post surrender. Many, myself included, are diagnosed with PTSD struggling to “get over it” as they were told they would. For this reason, I believe mother’s mental health is collateral damage. Intentional or not, our emotional property damage results.

With that in mind, I ask you to consider your mental health post surrender.

Mental Health

Pre and Post Surrender Counseling – Did you receive counseling prior to surrender that informed you that you might suffer from long term mental health challenges? If so, what were you told might happen? How long was the counseling? Were you given recommendations and resources to follow up post surrender should you experience emotional difficulties?

Post Surrender Resources – If you attempted to find counseling post surrender, were you successful? Did you find mental health professionals to be knowledgeable in the area of adoption grief?

Non Traditional Support Resources – Outside of professional mental help, what other sources of support did you find to be helpful? Please be specific, for example, online support groups, in person support groups, books, etc.

Other – Anything else you would like to share regarding mental health?

As always, thank you for your consideration and sharing. You can comment below if you wish or email me details to bluestokking at gmail dot com.