Her Voice

I heard my daughters voice today – at length.

No, I did not see her, meet her, or anything like that.

I stumbled across a video interview she had recently done.

She has a lovely voice.  Really.  Very lovely.  Very articulate. Not at all what I expected or ever dreamed of

It changed something inside me to hear her voice.

 

11 Thoughts.

  1. Oh Suz! How bittersweet that must have been. I’m sure it did change something in you, deep in you. To have more than a photo ~ to see and hear her speaking,,,

    *sigh*

    Sending you a big virtual hug and some fellow firstmom love as you process this latest discovery.

    • It was very odd. See, wrongly or rightly, for six years I have fabricated a voice in my head. Her own words have said “I am immature, I am a child, I cannot handle this” and her actions have supported that. So, I created this sort of immature, baby voice in my head. Not even close! She sounds very mature. That is not to say she really IS or IS NOT mature but rather that my own fabrication was very wrong, at least it was wrong to make such an assumption based on a voice.

  2. That happened to me – my daughter gave an interview to a local (to her) news outlet about a project she was working on. It was about five minutes long. I cannot tell you how many times I have watched that clip. It was a bit surreal as she looks so much like me, sounds like me, moves her hands like I do, and even bites her lower lip like I do when I get nervous.

    Like Sandy said, it was a gift…but it also left me wanting more.

    • Melynda – Thankfully, six years into reunion, my days of obsessing over her online presence are gone. I did look at it twice and did share with my mother, sister and fiance but I feel no need to go back and listen again. I take that as a good sign of growth and recovery (as much as that is possible in adoption trauma).

  3. OMG, Suz, I remember that moment, when I first heard my son’s voice. Of course it changed you. Perhaps completed (or near completed) your image of her. I imagine a very validating moment, even if bittersweet.

    I applaud your growth in terms of not obsessing. As you said, if that’s even possible in adoption… you’re taking care of yourself, while still loving her.

    (((BIG HUGS)))

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