In My Head

"Well behaved women rarely make history" – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

I think Jenna was in my head today.

"I accept the responsibility for my pregnancy, for not
being strong enough to say, “No, I’m keeping her,” when I was faced
with negativity from my family regarding my financial state and for not
believing in myself enough to realize my potential as a parent. But I
will not take the blame for believing what I was told was the truth and
the whole story. I am not a mind reader. In fact, when I try to guess
at people’s intention, I usually end up making a bigger mess! I am
human. Things I did and decided contributed to the placement. Things
other people did and decided also contributed to the placement.

No human lives in a vacuum. Personal responsibility is
one thing. But when agencies aren’t being held accountable, I’m
wondering where their responsibility lies? Why don’t they have to be
responsible for the truth? Why do I have to take responsibility for
things that were beyond my scope? Why do I have to take responsibility
when I was lied to? Where is that line exactly? I know it’s a gray
line. But when you trust someone and something to be honest with you
and they lie… where is that line of fault? If my Husband cheats on me
and tells me that he is faithful and I believe him… is it my fault when
he leaves me for the other woman?
" Read the full post at the authors site – Chronicles of Munchkinland

Keep on talking, Jenna.  We will change things. We must. We must do it for Munchkin, for my daughter M, for our sons and for the women that will bear their children.

We will do it.

Believe that.

Because with moms like you, and Nic and Claud and others around,  I certainly do.


3 Thoughts.

  1. You said it.
    Jenna was the first first mother I read and communicated with online and she started slowly making me see what adoption was really like — I started changing from “adoption is a win-win-win” to “wait a minute . . . . things don’t sound so happy in adoptionland.”
    It was a heart-breaking realization that there were serious things wrong with adoption, and I fought a lot of it at first, but I did come around (and I’m sure still am; I’m still growing and learning a lot).
    Jenna has a lot to do with that — as do you and so many other first mothers.
    I don’t know what we adoptive parents who want to learn and do the right things by our children would do without your strong voices.

  2. I’ve been in my OWN head a lot, if that makes sense. I’ve just been trying to figure out how to say what I want. But everything is clouded by all these dumb emotions and hormones and general sadness. And exhaustion! Andandand.
    So the fact that post even made ANY sense to ANYONE other than me makes me feel somewhat better. It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything of legitimate substance.
    Sometimes I let people get me down. Heck, sometimes I let ME get me down. But I’m going to keep on. Got to.

  3. I have high hopes that when Madison is an adult she’ll look back and say, “I can’t believe that’s how my adoption happened!” And I’ll say, “Honey, I wish we’d known better then but I’m so glad that we know better now.” And activist first parents and adoptees are leading the way to that time. I’m just grateful to be in on the following.

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