"If people only understand money, then they have lost sight of the larger project of Humanity" – Unknown
Many adoptive parents I know greatly object to referring to their adopted children as having been bought or sold. I struggle with their struggle because, in my case and the case of anyone who obtained a child through the Kurtz network of agencies, the children were indeed sold by the agencies.
The definition of to sell, is to agree to transfer goods or provide services in exchange for money. How hard is that to grasp? The goods are the children. You give money to the baby broker in exchange for the child. In some cases, services are provided to the expectant mother thereby implying a purchase arrangement. We give you this, you give us that.
Sold and often to the highest bidder.
The network of agencies I lost my daughter to would discount babies. Children of color cost less. Boys cost less. Adopters could turn down a placement and wait for a better model much like you could a new car. Donâ€™t want this yearâ€™s male model? Okeedokee. Just wait a little longer a girl will come down the assembly line soon. Adopters who could not afford the purchase price could negotiate. Cannot afford the white female baby from the Midwest? How about a Mexican child? They come with the added benefit of having records that are even HARDER to find in the future. Oh, no, no charge for that extra feature. Parents in NY were charged one price for a baby girl while parents in NJ were charged a different price. Why the price gauging? Did the NJ parents have more money to spend and were therfeore charged more?
How is that not selling?
My own daughter refers to herself as a purchased child. Itâ€™s ugly, yes, but its reality.
I know adoptive parents who came into some money before they adopted and told their child that as a result they were able to â€œbuy a house and buy a babyâ€.
Buy sell arrangement.
Now there is that technicality that the majority, if not all of adopters who worked with the agencies that sold my daughter had no idea what was going on. They were lied to. They were manipulated and used. I get that. I really do.
I know adopters who mortgaged their homes, took out high interest loans, to pay for their children. But even still, if you are obtaining funds to obtain a child â€“ that is a sale. No?
The adopters who obtained their children via Kurtz were told their funds were going to â€œhelpâ€ the natural mother and that they were paying for housing, medical bills, counseling and job skills training. This can make me laugh so hard I can sometimes wet my pants.
The adoptive parents were lied to. They were handing their funds over to a FOR PROFIT agency that was putting the money in their own pockets. I can line up over twenty women who lost their children to these agencies. Promises like semi-open and open adoptions were made to the mothers as kickers. Promises of pictures and updates and contact were made.
Guess what? There was no post relinquishment counseling. There was no job skillsâ€™ training. There were no funds to help them get on their feet.
There were however police escorts to county lines, air tickets out of the state, and a whole bunch of unanswered letters and phone calls. All promises were broken.
Why all the ranting?
Because I despise our children being sold.
I despise money in adoption. It objectifies and commoditizes our children.
When, oh when, will this billion dollar industry be regulated?
When will we stop separating mothers and children in the name of the almighty dollar?
Who do you hold reponsible? Those selling or those buying?