19 Thoughts.

  1. Lack of navigational skills, even with a GPS, huh? With my trusty Garmin by my side there’s NO worries babe.

  2. OMFG!!! Holy schiites, best comeback evah
    methinks boogs!!!
    Truer words were never typed.
    xoxoxo

  3. “I asked Ann during Q & A how to prevent people from walking away thinking that the baby scooping ended after 1973.”

    Did Ann have an answer for you? I ask because I deal with this issue all the time. Too many people think this cruel treatment of mothers and babies stopped in ’73 but it didn’t. It happened to me in 1980 and it was almost identical – shipped out of town to hide, lies, secrecy, not allowed to see or touch my baby, BFA signs on the door to my hospital room and on the wall above my bed, not even told the sex of the baby I just gave birth to.

    It didn’t just abruptly stop and it still hasn’t stopped. Now it’s just sneakier, more subtle, but still shaming.

    • Not directly, Carlynne. Ann talked about telling stories, using the media, the internet, the tools available to us (like this blog) to continue to highlight how it did not stop. I got her point but was looking for something more tangible. For example, I was hoping she was going to say something like “Well, there is a sequel planned”. LOL. (Partially joking). Claud and I have discussed this many times. I have also talked with others. My take away is that we/those of us that come from that post BSE era need to talk amongst our selves, gather forces, stories, projects, etc. and continue to spread the word.

      I am open to suggestions, projects, ideas. Would LOVE to participate in something like this.

      • One of the ways I work on this is through my own blog http://oneoptionnochoice.blogspot.com/ and another is through Origins-USA. We’re working on resources to help mothers keep their babies and we also put together a brochure that talks about the consequences of surrender and it warns expectant moms about the coercive tactics of the industry. It’s something that can be shared with young moms through pregnancy centers etc…. I’m also working on a series of paintings that I hope to exhibit in the near future. http://carlynnehershberger.blogspot.com/p/silent-voices.html. If there’s anything there that we can use to work together or if you have any ideas on ways that I can help, contact me.

  4. Suz, I know exactly how you feel when you say you feel the ‘division’, if you will, between mothers of the BSE and those of us from later eras.

    I am a mother of the beginning of the “open adoption (fraud)” era and while yes, there are many differences between the BSE Era and those of later years, one thing remains constant, there was no ‘choice’ when one feels desperate and lacks familial support and resources. There is also no ‘choice’ when is brainwashed to believe that their flesh and blood is better off with older people more ‘well off’ and ‘married’.

    This is called being manipulated when you vulnerable, young and trusting of people whom you believe have your best interests at heart, when in reality they could have cared less about ‘us’. They wanted our infants…

    • Thank you for the validation Stephanie. I clearly still sting from that older mother railing at me, telling me I was better off than she was. Really? If the end results was the same, how does that make me better off? Does the fact that I could have had an abortion lessen the loss of my daughter? The trauma? The lies?

      No. Not at all. So why point it out?

      I detest that feeling of division. While we all stand around debating who hurts more, less, better worse, etc. babies continued to be separated from their mothers.

  5. I’m one of the girls in that pic too… 3rd row from the bottom, 4th pic from the right border…. thanks for this, Suz.

    I agree with you that the scooping continues too… that needs to be acknowledged and validated.

    I’ve met Ann Fessler 3 times now and seen her installation and, an earlier film she used to show at conferences and clips from this one, but not the finished product. Every time I’m around lots of other “Girls” …. I feel the same as you describe and can’t stop the lump in the throat and the tears welling up. Thanks for this. I’m going to share it on my FB page.

    • Carol – You with the fabulous dark bob? Love. I did see your name in the credits and felt so honored that I “know” you. I hope you get to see the finished cut. I am itching to screen it locally, buy it, etc. It needs to get OUT THERE. I also saw an earlier rough cut (I think it was at an Adoption Crossroads conference in NY sometime ago) and it sent me spiralling into the abyss. I am rather happy I did better this time around. : )

  6. Yep! That’s me with my naturally dishwater brownish/blonde bob…lol… that’s my senior class pic..I began blonding it up a couple of months later and then became pregnant the following fall, during my 1st year of college! My son was born August 66….

    But I feel the need to also show support as a “BSE” mother (the name was bestowed upon me) that I don’t understand the divisiveness with some of the BSE mothers… I’m a small-time but effective search angel and I know very well from talking to so many moms of all generations that the coercive tactics and disrespect of single mothers didn’t stop in the early 70’s or even after Roe v. Wade. There is no reason in my opinion, for any kind of separation between generations of mothers of adoption loss. It was and still continues to be a woman’s abuse issue. period.

    • Agreed Carol.

      I should add that while my early experience with a few BSE moms made me cautious with all, I have since learned otherwise. I am certainly not trying to generalize or sterotype moms from that era (for that would be returning the insult). Merely wanting to point out that a very personal experience planted this seeds for my desire to show others that the adoption crimes extended beyond that era and that we need to be careful not to assume it is over and done with and “adoption is good now”. We need to be constantly chipping away at the injustices and working towards family preservation wherever we can. Well, maybe not We, but certainly, I do.

      Also agreed on womens abuse issue. Want to talk/blog about that too.

  7. Thank you for writing this, Suz. Through you and others I learned that the coercive practices continued beyond the BSE and I am committed to educating the public. I haven’t seen Ann’s film yet, or even an earlier cut. I can only imagine what an emotional experience it will be when I do.

    P.S. My hub is navigationally challenged also. 🙂 Sorry Henry and Rich…

  8. Loved your article. I’ve now seen the film 3 times and leave devastated each time. I’m a very visual person and think the film impacts me in a way that is beyond the written word. I’m on the third row, fourth one ‘in’ on the right side of the poster.

    I’ve been trying to gather a group of the younger moms for about a year now. We BSE moms are becoming gray panthers. I feel that some of the younger moms have issues slightly different than ours, and frankly worse, if we must make a comparison. There is still much to be done to educate the world about the fact that coertion is alive and well. The packaging is slicker. Women today are told they have options yet the only way anyone offers assistance, is to help them with adoption. Where are the options? Here’s an option: helping infants remain with their mothers.

    So I hope ya’ll will unite and yell louder and better than we did. Shame kept us in the closet far too long. There’s much to be done!

    Leslie

    • Thank you Leslie for that very validating comment. I am def, very seriously, interested in starting a project of this type. Fee; free to pass on my name, blog, etc. if you have other moms that might be interested in participating. I have had a few ideas for some time…need only to get started..perhaps brainstorming with some others will take this to the next step.

  9. Hi Suz,
    Although I’m a mother from the BSE, I totally understand that the end of the era did not mark the end of the scooping. As a matter of fact, I sometimes wonder if in some instances the coercive tactics used post BSE are even more sophisticated and perhaps even worse for some young mothers today. Regardless of the tactics though, the fact remains that those of us who lacked adult support and financial resources were doomed.

  10. I felt as though I was there with you as I read your “mind-chatter”. My heart cries for you…

    I’ve read this post a few times now today. Something about it keeps me returning. On the one hand, I feel such a connection to you ~ it is so comforting yet again to know that my brain isn’t the only one that works like that; the mind-chatter that goes a hundred miles an hour, the insecurity, the fear of feeling. On the other hand, I’m thinking that we are so different. I wish I was as strong as you, as good with words, as brave as you. To even consider putting myself out there as you have, to consider doing a project such as the one you are pondering… the thought makes me shudder… I hope someday to be strong enough; I thank you for being strong and putting yourself out there for us moms. I thank you for making me aware of the desire to be stronger.

    Last but not least ~ God how I wish she would talk to you, would share her wonderful world with you.

    • I literally wrote that mind chatter piece while I was standing in the lobby waiting for the movie to start. I had such intense anxiety, confusion, emotion, I had to get it out. I wrote it on the note app on my iphone. Ha!

      Strength comes in all shapes and sizes. Don’t doubt your own.

      My husband is a relatively small man height and weight wise. During a conversation about protecting others, I shared how I was surprised how he, a not so beefy guy, stepped between me and threatening force once. He did not even hesitate or think about the fact he isn’t exactly muscular or beefy. He responded to my statements by reminding me that it isn’t the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight int the dog. So very true.

  11. This is a brilliantly written piece, Suz. Thanks for sharing your inner experience with us.

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