Ugly Truths

Following my presentation, I was approached by a conference attendee, a social worker from Illinois. She wanted me to know that she knew about the Kurtz network and his for profit agencies. She carried on about how Sara Fiegenholtz had worked with many others to change the laws in Illinois. She told me that Easter House was shut down and the many of the Illinois changes were done to address unscrupulous for profit agencies like Easter House.

I nodded confidently, smiled, and interjected now and then. I had to use the ladies room and I was rather desperate to end the conversation and attend to mother nature. She was steadfast. She wanted to talk as much as I wanted to urinate.

“You do know of course that Easter House catered to wealthy families, right?” she stated.

Internally the not so professional me said “Really? No shit Sherlock! I had no idea!”. I did not say this of course, I realize it was my bladder discomfort speaking.

Yes, I knew this. I informed my new friend that I had reams of data on the network, most of it collected and expertly documented by my friend and fellow Easter House mother/victim, Dr. Bernadette Wright. I also let her know that I was made aware that the reason my daughters parents were able to adopt through them was not due to their individual or family wealth but rather that they had won their state lottery.

This news seemed to startle my chatty friend.

“Really? Wow. Do you know how much they won?” she asked.

I did know but I was not going to share. And I really really needed to go to the bathroom.

“No, I dont but it was listed on a profile the agency gave me”. I said as I started to walk away.

“Wow. Technically then your daughter has lots of adoptive parents, right?” She says as she grins as if she has just said something incredibly funny.

I stop walking and turn my head.

“What?” I ask in a very confused tone.

“Well, technically, if you follow the money, the entire state populace, those that purchased lottery tickets, are the ones who paid the agency for your daughter. So she has LOTS of adoptive parents in that state!” she says with more enthusiasm than I find appropriate.

I am taken back. I feel a flash of anger and disgust.

“Yeah, uh, I guess you could suggest that…” I state as I finally walk away.

A few minutes later, in the rest room, I start to cry. I am not sure if it was due to the ugliness of the statement I just heard or the fact that my bladder is literally constricted from holding back my urine and I now cannot pee.

Perhaps it was both.

13 Thoughts.

    • I got the sense she was a just a bit naive or ignorant. Based on her tone of voice, I dont think she had a clue how her words would make me feel or what they suggested about my daughter, adoption, etc. I dont think it was intentional.

    • I agree, Rich! In fact, it seems that we agree often! :o) And, I am totally stealing ‘asshat’ and including it in my vocabulary from now on.

      • Thanks Laurel, can’t take credit for it, copied it from our beloved Suz, she turned me onto that word a while back, I thought she had made it up but NOPE it’s a real word, : )

  1. You have got to be kidding – what a jerk!

    You know, it might be a good idea to pass on some of this feedback to the conference organizers. Intentional or not, it was inappropriate, and she as a social worker working in adoption should know better.

  2. WHAT?! What an incredibly inappropriate and strange thing to say. I don’t think it was intentional but it was appalling…and she’ll do it over and over again until someone points it out. I’m so sorry 🙂

    • Lisa – I tend to agree. Really, she was annoying but probably more so since I had to use the restroom so badly. I did not feel malice in her intent, she just seemed, well clueless to how her words, that situation, might effect me. She seemed really proud of IL law change, blah blah. I did not get any contempt..just ignorance.

  3. Jeez… just when I thought I’d heard it all. As I like to say when I encounter really stupid people, “And they vote.”


  4. I think it is a corollary of “It takes a village to raise a child.” and typical of the warm fuzzies that probably go over big in her world. I am sure she had no idea it was offensive to you. But doesn’t that say a lot.

  5. Pingback: Best Interests of Child: Race, Religion and Rescue | Writing My Wrongs

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