The In Crowd

“Nonconformists travel as a rule in bunches. You rarely find a nonconformist who goes it alone. And woe to him inside a nonconformist clique who does not conform with nonconformity.” – Eric Hoffer

Seems to be that students at Wittenburg University in Ohio are doing a class assignment on adoption.  Nic noted their traffic in her blog and I checked mine as well.

I feel so honored! I am in the cool kids clique.  Must be the funny bones I serve at my table. Or maybe it is that Nic is sitting with me. Hey Claud, are they trolling you too?  Anyone else?

On a more serious note, like Nic, I am curious what the students are writing about, what they glean from my blog,  Nics or anyone else they are presumably using as a case study.

Are they pro or anti family preservation? Are they attempting to show the traumatic affects of separating mother from child?  Perhaps some work on Primal Wound?  Or shudder the thought, are they hoping to produce some material to support the NCFA and ongoing heinous practices of the United States Adoption Industry. Is my blog the proof they search to prove we are all a bunch of nutters that deserved to lose our children?

Do tell dear students! If I can help you more directly, feel free to write me.  Email addy found on the about me page (along with a lovely picture and some bio text).

Happy studying!

Mano y Mano

“When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself.” – Louis Nizer

I know I have a number of male readers here. There is a great first dad in Montana, another in Maine. There is an adoptive dad in PA. There may be more.

I want their thoughts (of course females are welcome to comment too but I am really after the male perspective).

Why are men so easily disregarded when it comes to their children and the loss of their children to adoption?

Is it as simple as the fact that the woman carries the child?

Why does society find it so acceptable for men to NOT take responsbility for the children they produce?

If a young girl is called a whore and slut for having sex with a boy, why is he not called the same?  If we punish the girl by taking her child, why not say, oh, castrate the man? (Extreme I know but I am going for shock value).

I realize in many cases the fathers did not even know their children existed. I also know in many cases their mothers parents took over and the father was pushed aside.

Why is this allowed?

If you are a the father to a daughter who is single and expecting, why havent you gone after the father or his family? And by gone after, I mean, expect him to support your daughter and the child they created? Why is he allowed to get off scot- free (if that is the case) and you and your daughter bear all responsbility?

I have my own thoughts on this but and they are expansive but I dont want to seed the soil with my own perspective.  (And yeah, Dawn, I expect you to pipe up here even if you lack a Y chromosome)

I dont necessarily want fact, research, feminist citations. I want to know what the MEN feel and think about adoption, unplanne d pregnancies, etc.

So men, what say you?

Guest Blogger: Mr. Dink

"A man is judged by his deeds, not by his words" – A Book of English and Russian Proverbs and
by author M. Dubrovin, Moscow, "Prosvesheniye", 1993.

I asked Mr. Dink to consider contributing a post to my blog.  He was kind enough to agree.   It is below. It is limited in identifying information to protect his  privacy  and more importantly his daughter’s.

I do want to add that he is an adoptive father. The daughter referenced here is his oldest.

It really needs no further set up or explanation.  You should see why I love him.

coming to live with you. I can’t take this any more!" Phone call from
my ex before she sent my daughter to stay with me after months of
agonizing mother-daughter infighting. She showed up on the train next
day, bag in hand.

"Daddy, I’m
pregnant. I’m not going to be a marine." Text message sent six feet from
the bathroom of my apartment to my living room.

don’t want to have this baby." Statement made in line at the local
Boston Market. Weeks of counseling and soul searching came before, and
a safe, well-considered abortion followed.

"Daddy, I’m pregnant… Three
months." Phone call a week after her graduation from Army basic
training. And then, "I won’t give this baby up. My first mom gave me
up. I won’t do that to another person."

It’s hard for me to place
dates on emotionally charged events. A little careful historical
research could probably sort them out, but that wouldn’t matter.
Messages like these define time more than they are defined by it.

glib comments or harsh judgments about the failure to use birth
control? Keep them to yourselves, please. I’m not your audience.

or sold at 5, adopted or bought at 7, ten years of intra- and
interpersonal turmoil, two pregnancies, two decisions. If you fail to
respect a young woman who has come through that and still finds it
within her power to care about herself and her child, the shortcomings
of person hood are yours. I hope that you will draw from her example and
become well.

She’s my daughter and I’m proud of her." copyright Mr. Dink, 2008