https://writingmywrongs.com/2012/01/05/the-cost-of-change/ When a mother is forced to choose between the child and the culture, there is something abhorrently cruel and unconsidered about that culture. A culture that requires harm to one's soul in order to follow the cultures prescriptions is a very sick culture indeed. This 'culture' can be the one a woman lives in, but more damning yet, it can be the one she carries around and complies with within her own mind....." -- Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes Wed, 21 Mar 2012 16:03:22 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 https://writingmywrongs.com/2012/01/05/the-cost-of-change/#comment-8867 Rebecca Sun, 19 Feb 2012 03:16:59 +0000 https://writingmywrongs.com/?p=1883#comment-8867 Suz, I have made the mistake of reading too much of your blog all at once and so my ablilty to have a thoughtful comment is slipping away. I look forward to reading Mom C's book when she finishes it. I expect there will be parts that do not paint me in a favorable light and I can write my own book/rebuttal. However, I find some comfort in the fact that most people realize there are three sides to the story. Mine, hers and the truth. :) No matter how much A_ _ _ _ _ has rejected and hurt you, I believe that if she wanted you, you'd embrace her and not keep her at arms length or make her beg to come back like Mom C did to me. Love you. Suz, I have made the mistake of reading too much of your blog all at once and so my ablilty to have a thoughtful comment is slipping away. I look forward to reading Mom C’s book when she finishes it. I expect there will be parts that do not paint me in a favorable light and I can write my own book/rebuttal. However, I find some comfort in the fact that most people realize there are three sides to the story. Mine, hers and the truth. No matter how much A_ _ _ _ _ has rejected and hurt you, I believe that if she wanted you, you’d embrace her and not keep her at arms length or make her beg to come back like Mom C did to me. Love you.

]]> https://writingmywrongs.com/2012/01/05/the-cost-of-change/#comment-8493 Suz Wed, 11 Jan 2012 01:48:32 +0000 https://writingmywrongs.com/?p=1883#comment-8493 Thank you for answering my question Von. Very thoughtful and insightful response. Thank you for answering my question Von. Very thoughtful and insightful response.

]]> https://writingmywrongs.com/2012/01/05/the-cost-of-change/#comment-8492 Von Tue, 10 Jan 2012 23:21:01 +0000 https://writingmywrongs.com/?p=1883#comment-8492 Suz, you link is to but a tiny part of my story.It is infinitely more complex, as most lives are. Reform is never pointless on a micro or macro level except among those who will never change their minds because their lives depend on it. While we can, if we're lucky, try to walk in the shoes of others, we will never truly know how it is to be them or live their lives.Sadly there are those who do not understand this and try to speak with assumed authority, about what they don't know. Many adoptees are also mothers of children either raised or taken in adoption. We have that connection to what is is to be a mother. A mother of an adoptee will never, fortunately, know what is is to be an adoptee unless she is one. To answer you question about how Australia made progress in reform - we have a much closer connection to legislators than you do, since we have such a relatively small population and legislators are very accessible. Mothers have worked for the reforms they want to see for themselves, for changes to benefit them and for compensation. The price they have paid is in repeating their stories over and over and never leaving the damage behind in order to move on.That has had it's impact on adoptees as we have particularly seen in the last year since the Inquiry.Adoptees have at last been able to come forward and recommend changes they want to see which will benefit adoptees. It is very new for us and we've learned fast. We have been discouraged and in every way felt unwelcome in supporting mothers or speakinf for ourselves, by a small group of mothers who consider they have influence, or in coming forward to tell it really is uniquely for us.Many adoptees have had to be very courageous in telling their stories, making submissions and giving evidence.There has been a cost, which will become more obvious in time. Fortunately our legislators see it differently. It has been very sad for us to see attempts to further damage us by those so damaged themselves. It's good to see dialogue being opened up and hopefully the results will be more productive than they have been in the past. There are still taboo areas and once they are broached openly we might see progress. Suz, you link is to but a tiny part of my story.It is infinitely more complex, as most lives are.
Reform is never pointless on a micro or macro level except among those who will never change their minds because their lives depend on it.
While we can, if we’re lucky, try to walk in the shoes of others, we will never truly know how it is to be them or live their lives.Sadly there are those who do not understand this and try to speak with assumed authority, about what they don’t know. Many adoptees are also mothers of children either raised or taken in adoption. We have that connection to what is is to be a mother. A mother of an adoptee will never, fortunately, know what is is to be an adoptee unless she is one.
To answer you question about how Australia made progress in reform – we have a much closer connection to legislators than you do, since we have such a relatively small population and legislators are very accessible. Mothers have worked for the reforms they want to see for themselves, for changes to benefit them and for compensation. The price they have paid is in repeating their stories over and over and never leaving the damage behind in order to move on.That has had it’s impact on adoptees as we have particularly seen in the last year since the Inquiry.Adoptees have at last been able to come forward and recommend changes they want to see which will benefit adoptees. It is very new for us and we’ve learned fast. We have been discouraged and in every way felt unwelcome in supporting mothers or speakinf for ourselves, by a small group of mothers who consider they have influence, or in coming forward to tell it really is uniquely for us.Many adoptees have had to be very courageous in telling their stories, making submissions and giving evidence.There has been a cost, which will become more obvious in time. Fortunately our legislators see it differently. It has been very sad for us to see attempts to further damage us by those so damaged themselves.
It’s good to see dialogue being opened up and hopefully the results will be more productive than they have been in the past. There are still taboo areas and once they are broached openly we might see progress.

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