State of the (re)Union

I received an email from a new blog reader.  She was complimentary (thank you). I appreciate feedback and support. I regularly waver between writing, not writing and considering deleting the blog.  I tend to hang around.  Feedback from new readers supports my argument to stay around.

Interestingly, the reader stated she was curious to know how my reunion went.  This question surprised me. I thought the status of my reunion was pretty obvious from this blog. Is that not the case? I suppose it is not, at least for new readers. I know many of you have been around for a long time and know that my reunion, well, it isn’t a reunion.

For the reader who asked, I can offer the most simplest explanation. While I found my daughter, she has chosen not to meet me. It has been six years and we have never spoken on the phone, never met face to face and only emailed a handful of times.  Early in the reunion, before she cut off contact, I was  permitted to send her gifts and email her. She never emailed back and she never acknowledged the gifts.  Sometime last year she quoted things like Death of the Author  (implying she was the text that stands alone and the writer of the book is dead and means nothing)  and stated she wanted no contacted what so ever.

So that’s it. Never met again, never talked, an email every so often from her (most recent one accusing me or someone known to me of harassing her).  I will share that I am one of those bad mothers in reunion that I do still send her a Happy Birthday email every year.  My hope, perhaps foolish, is that some day, some year, she may change her mind and open lines of communication to either me or her brothers.  My belief is that by sending a simple birthday greeting I am conveying that I am open to contact, that I love her and miss her.

Oh, and yeah, I admit to “stalking her’  blog and reading. I do this openly and could be very easily identified by her tracking stats. I used to comment on it (supportively and I never identified who I was) but I was asked by her to stop that as well. I used to follow her on Twitter. I dont anymore. I just stop by once in a while to see what she is up to, if she is still breathing, etc. I like her blog as she writes well and has similiar interests (fashion, literature, etc.) and I enjoy reading what she writes. 

For a bit more info on my various aspects of my reunion, I offer the following links to old posts.  Perhaps new reader will find them useful or helpful or something.

Telling Children

The Nose

Witty Pretty and Gay

Six Years Later

5 Thoughts.

  1. “My belief is that by sending a simple birthday greeting I am conveying that I am open to contact, that I love her and miss her.”

    *sigh* I would think the very same thing, and keep hoping that someday I’ll read a post that says things are changing. I’ll keep on hoping.

  2. Don’t stop sending the birthday cards. Hopefully, one day, she will appreciate that you never gave up on her after contact was stopped.

    “Stalking”? No, not stalking. Just a Mother keeping up with what is going on.

    Suz, please don’t give up on your blog. I need it, it helps me find some sort of peace in this awful mess called adoption and it keeps me from feeling so alone.

  3. I just found this blog. Can’t believe I missed it before! Thanks for the links to catch up rather quickly!

  4. I vehemntly disagree that you are a bad mother in any sense. That’s bullshit. A_ _ _ _ may or not ever identify herself as your daughter but that will NEVER make you less her mother. Don’t give up, you’ve been through too much to throw hope away. Love you

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