Amanda :

my birthmother managed to keep it together and not cry until my sister told her that she was in foster care for months before going home. I’ve never heard such a sad noise. It really hurt her to know that her baby, who was SUPPOSED to go to a better place, spent 3 months in limbo. The foster family was evidently wonderful, but still……

Amanda – To your point of never having heard such a sad noise. I hear this gutteral moan from mothers often when I am successful in finding their children. The pitch, tone, of their cries, their visceral moans are chilling. I call them the “soul cry”. Similar to a death rattle of a person about to die, the soul cry comes from a place deep inside. I am crying as I write this for the first time I heard it was on the phone with my friend Mary when I confirmed a match with her daughter Jean.

Mary is normally a bubbly, insanely talkative, confident woman. That day, that moment, on that phone, she turned into walking wounded that had finally found what her soul needed and her soul let the entire world know. For me, the listener, it was bittersweet and highly moving. I will never EVER forget the sound of her voice begging me to answer the question “Is it my daughter?”. I said “yes” and her soul took over.

Interesting scope- that it’s part of some sort of undercover plan. I had never considered that before! But you’re right..what other reason could there be? It would make sense to put the child in their permanent home as soon as possible. Its to EVERYONE’S benefit that the baby not be in limbo. But if it’s not for everyones benefit..it must be for someone’s harm. I have no trouble imagining whom of the triad the agency is trying to fuck over….ugh.

Makes me so mad. Thanks for bringing it to light!

Best wishes for your childrens first mothers, their subsqeuent children and more. The decision to surrender your child is a life altering one..one you dont usually feel the effects of until many years later and this includes what fostering did to their children.

Mothers in WI are not allowed to TPR in a hospital or agency. It must be done in a court of law and then once the TPR is signed, it’s final. As a matter of fact it took 1-3 weeks for their mothers to sign the paperwork even requesting a court date. After the moms terminated their rights in court, we took our sons home with us immediately.

The mothers both knew their babies were in foster care. We met my oldest son’s mom 2 days prior to her TPR hearing in court and we discussed going to meet him at the foster care home after our meeting. Our other son was hospitalized with RSV before his mom’s TPR hearing. Both the agency and the nurse told her that the foster care parents went home and the PAPs were staying with the baby at the hospital. The nurses talked to her frequently during the hospital stay because she had to consent to all treatment.

During the time in foster care, the moms were allowed to visit their babies; as were we as PAPs. The moms also could come and take their babies at any time. When we went to orientation with the agency they had one couple come and speak to our group about how they took their baby home to parent for one week right before the TPR hearing. At the time I was horrified when I heard that, now I know that was a good thing.

Fortunately we did not receive a certificate of adoptability-thats yucky. The boys did receive health exams and I was happy that the foster moms took them to all their routine wellness checkups. My oldest son has a heart murmur, however as an adoptive parent that seemed the littlest of our worries healthwise.

I understand that the agencies we worked with now allow legal risk where PAPs can take the baby home to parent before the TPR hearing, however the mom can still change her mind and come take her baby home. I prefer having foster care parents as a third party. Personally I could not parent a baby with the fear that the mom would come back to take him. I would also think that a mom who changed her mind would find it less difficult to go get her baby from a foster home than the home of the PAPs.

My heart breaks for the babies and the children. Each time I think of it, I get choked up. It’s horrible