No, I’m not your daughter either, but the very fact that you have stated that your daughter has insituted the “no contact” rule with you, well, there’s your basis.

I’m not trying to hurt, insult or criticize you, but rather as an attempt for you to consider something else. Did it occur to you that “LG” is very likely someone who knows your daughter? LG may even be her one of her best friends, her adoptive mom, or could even be your daughter herself. No? Read it again. How else would this LG even know about your daughter’s blog, much less that you’ve commented on it?

LG’s comments may have been hurtful, but If absolutely nothing was more important to me than reunification with my daughter, then any and everything else is irrelevant, including my pain and my pride. I would assume my daughter was going to read my response, and used it as an opportunity to reach out to her, by extending my most sincerest apology, and all my love.

I know that sounds easier said than done, but consider this. You are aware of the fact that IP addresses can be changed through the use of proxies (such as hidemyass), right? See, I would automatically suspect this LG could very well be her adoptive mom, and was intentionally “baiting” and pushing my buttons–to get ammunition to use against me with my daughter, and I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.

That knowledge would enable me to resist the urge to defend myself in any way, and instead, to take advantage of the opportunity that “bait” offered, to rise above it, and be the better person. I would make very sure that there was absolutely nothing in my response that could be misinterpreted or misconstrued as “snarky” or motivated out pride or self interest, a personal agenda, or used in any way against me whatsoever. I know that you feel traumatized, hurt and victimized by the adoption system, and as true as that may be, I feel you should exercise great caution in how you express this, especially to her, as well as anyone who knows her, as it may be counterproductive to your goal of reunification.

I feel you may acheive greater results if you could try focusing strictly on how you feel reunification would benefit your daughter. Ask yourself, what’s in it for her? Myself, even if I found out her adoptive parents were “badmouthing” me, I would let it go in one ear, and out the other. If you can’t get them on your side (for her sake, of course) then at least try not to piss them off, or give them any kind of ammunition that they can use against you.

No, you’re right, I’m not adopted, nor do I have I ever adopted. I ran across you blog last night while researching adoption traumas on the internet because I have a friend who is suffering her own adoption traumas. Some of your comments triggered memories of the “passive-agressive” remarks I used to endure from my inlaws, until I finally instituted the “no contact” rule with them over 10 years ago.

As with most situations, there’s no “one size fits all” and shouldn’t be judgements about decisions when we don’t know the full story.

I love Queen too. I love playing bits of Bohemian Rhapsody.

Got some free time tomorrow I intend to play lots of piano. Now that’s got me all curious about Lady Gaga sheet music.