It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. – Allen Cohen

 I have decided to start making some changes in my life. They are good changes. Changes in the right direction. Changes that will enable future wonderful things.

However, to enable them I have to extract myself from certain people, places, events or activities.

This is painful. I dont like to let people down. To not be there for them.

I am the type of person to take everything on and find a way to make it all work – no matter how much I lose in the process. I will make myself sick, my hair will literally fall out, my intimate relationships suffer, but I will make it work. I will succeed. I will do for everyone else what was never done for me whatever that may be. I will prevail.

Until now. 

Maybe its age. Perhaps its the natural maturation process that comes with age. Perhaps I finally realize I dont have to do everything for everyone for anyone to care about me. Maybe its the recent health challenges I have had.  Maybe it is having the love and support of a partner like Rich. I really dont know what it is but my outlook is changing. My focus, my direction, my future.


It is all good, by the way.

But it aint easy.

15 Thoughts.

  1. It’s awesome that you’re headed for a great future! I hope the transition to get you there won’t be too hard on you.

  2. I am so happy for you! You really are wonderful to everyone, and it is great for you to make changes to make you better! I am here with an ear and a cyber hug if you need anyone to chat with!

    God Bless and Hugs!

  3. Good luck & congrats on your changes! Since being reunited with my son, I have also made the decision to “live authentically”. I found an “authenticity badge” that I have been using to remind me of the changes I want to keep in my life. Here is a link:

    • Susie – I LOVE that concept. I totally agree – but its hard, isnt it? When you have been (at least I have been) force fed the adoption lifestyle of denying who, what, how you are, it is very very hard to live authentic, to live for oneself (particularly when your purpose at one time was to make someone else happy). Hard to find that line. I love your idea. Thanks for sharing (and commenting!)

      • It is very hard to find that line ~ it is so very fine! Especially after “hiding” who I really was for almost 30 years. And another fine line that enters into the equation is going too far/not far enough with my “found” son. Adoption has forever changed our authentic selves.

        • So very true and so very sad. We havent been authentic since adoption entered our lives. The lying, the hiding, the social stigma, the secrecy, the disenfranchised grief. Oy. What a load to carry.

          Oddly, also, one of my favorite Tolstoy novellas comes to mind. I recommend reading The Death of Ivan Ilych for anyone struggling with what their life means and who and what they are living it for.

  4. Good for you, Suz! I was way older than you when I figured that out. And I have to say that my life has been more authentic and far less stressful than before.

    XO D.

  5. This post and comments have rung so many bells for me. I so haven’t been authentic since adoption entered my life. I am still livng in the closet and I never talk about the adoption side of my life to friends…so many secrets and cover ups…

  6. change is good. i think this change in your life is an affirmation of self love. and it’s the first and most important love in your life. we cant be everything for everyone, and true friends will understand. you deserve this! you’re courage inspires me.

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