There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. – Maya Angelou
I rarely check my blog stats these days. Four years ago I checked furiously and regularly with the hope that maybe, someday, eventually, I might find my daughter reading my blog. Maybe she would be interested, maybe she would want to know. Maybe she might comment.
As near as I can tell, she doesn’t read and has only visited twice (and told me the second time my blog made her vomit).Â So I stopped checking. For the most part.
In addition to my daughter, early on I cared, too much, about who might be reading. Friends? Family? Ex husband? Daughters father? I was tremendously anxious (partly because I was only peeking out the door of the barfmother closet and not entirely out) about who might find me.
And so I checked for them too. Often several times a day. There were times when I have drive by readings by daughters father, his wife, my ex, and others. I would panic, lose my breath, get dizzy, and ponder shutting down my blog (also known as closeting myself once more for the comfort of others).Â I didn’t but it would take me a few days to recover from those “sightings”. And I kept checking.
I dont anymore. I simply dont really care. I guess thats good?
I did however check the past few days but for an entirely different reason.
An adoptive mom friend and I searched for and found her adopted daughters mother. We made contact and are waiting to hear back. (Adoptive mom always wanted an open adoption but Easter House said “no”.Â How shocking! NOT.)
Anywho, since I referenced my sites in the contact I made with the mom I was curious if by any chance she stopped by. We haven’t heard from her yet. I don’t know if she got the communication or not. Needless to say, adoptive mom friend and I are anxious to hear from her.
I see no sign of her here.
However, I did notice several peeps in CT (Woodbury, Trumbull, Imagistics) searched for me and spent a lot of time reading. If by some chance you are a mom or adoptee needing help, support or other, please feel free to write. I always welcome contact with local peeps.
And to the mom we are hoping to hear from, I welcome your contact as well. Your daughter is a beautiful young girl and she and her adoptive mom are anxious to hear from you. Peace to you during this emotional time.