Grabbing a Piece of Attention Pie

“Among all the emotions, the rich have the least talent for love. It is possible to love one’s dog, dress or duck-shooting hat, but a human being presents a more difficult problem. The rich might wish to experience feelings of affection, but it is almost impossible to chip away the enamel of their narcissism. They take up all the space in all the mirrors in the house. Their children, who represent the most present and therefore the most annoying claim on their attention, usually receive the brunt of their irritation.” – Lewis Lapham

My family member was bailed out by a friend. Member is home and adjusting to their own stupid actions and how bad this could potentially be for their future.

I am relieved. I am also pleased with all the wonderful support I received from friends here in blogland, facebook, privately, etc. Thank you.

I am also annoyed.

Wouldn’t be me if there wasn’t something still bothering me.

During the crisis of the past few days, several members of my family could not wait to grab their piece of the attention pie.

This made me ill.

While our family member sits in a local jail with their life as they know it in serious jeopardy several other members could do nothing but whine about how this effected them.

Okay, now I realize I did the same thing here, venting how the situation triggered my old thoughts and feelings of being sent away and how I had a hard time separating the two and finding the right supportive path.  However, that is where it ended. My conversations with my family members were supportive and thoughtful and compassionate and really seriously concerned about our incarcerated family member. I was worried about my nieces and nephews. I was terribly worried about my mother and spent all of Saturday keeping her busy and ensuring she was sleeping and eating and taking sedatives if she needed them.

I was not telling everyone I knew about the horrible thing this family member did to ME. I was not carrying on about how embarrassed I was or how we had to keep this from the neighbors. I was not calculating how much money my parents had spent on me versus this person. I was deeply sad and worried about this family member.

God I hate narcissists.

As recent as a this morning I had a conversation with a sibling who went on and on about how it effected them. Huh? Are you kidding me?

And yes, again, if you see a trigger here you would be correct.

This is very much like ignoring a mother who is in agony over the loss of her child while you worry what the old ladies at church will say if they find out about your slut of a daughter.

5 Thoughts.

  1. Hmmm, I know just what you are talking about.
    Attention Pie – what an excellent way to put it.
    My MIL is very much like what your talking about. She was in her element during FIL’s funeral. It was her stage, she was the star of the show. Now, with BIL’s cancer, she is able to continue her “show”, and how his cancer is affecting her. Her martyrdom continues….
    It’s exhausting to be around these type of people. They will suck the energy right out of you.
    Keeping positive thoughts for you, Suz!

  2. It’s so hard to watch a family member go through a challenge you can’t fix for them -harder still when you have to deal with family reactions that trigger the pain these are triggering for you.
    I hope whatever happened has a swift resolution, and that others in your family do the heavy support lifting. You have enough on your plate.

  3. This is very much like ignoring a mother who is in agony over the loss of her child while you worry what the old ladies at church will say if they find out about your slut of a daughter.

  4. Amen to that sister.
    My mother actually told me my pregnancy, etc., etc. was harder on her than it was on me.
    And btw, it is also like the adoptive parents whose favourite party piece is complaining about what their adoptive son has put them through.

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