Genealogy without documentation is mythology – Unknown
Apparently I have been unclear.
That is no surprise to me.
I AM unclear but I am not unclear about what some think I am unclear about it. In that regard, they are unclear. Are we clear?
For the record I have no intent of erasing my daughters branch from our family tree. She will be listed there.
That is not the issue.
The issue is HOW to list her there.
Do I say "Daughter, DOB, etc"
Do I list her by her original name?
Do I list her by her amended?
Does it really matter how I list her just as long as I list her?
Read the comments on the previous post and see how conflicting the various thoughts are.
I am confident if I don't list her she will be ticked off (so will I for that matter).
I am also confident if I list her original name that is disrespectful of her and doesn't recognize who she really is and only recognizes who she was supposed to be. (I could debate that she is both but that is not for this topic.)
If I list her as her legal amended name, she will be ticked off as she has made it clear I am not allowed to make public any connection of me to her.
See the challenge? Read the last sentence again if you don't.
I am like a dog chasing its tail. (Actually documenting your family tree is a bit like chasing your tail…or at least what is behind you.)
I do not deny her.
I don't deny her to my loved ones. I don't deny her to strangers. I openly say I have three children (and she dislikes this). I have her pictures hanging in my home. I have pictures of her on my office desk. I carry a picture of her in my wallet. My sons, her brothers, know about her and talk about her regularly. My oldest son still has a school project from last year hanging above his bed because it has "sisters picture on it". I talk regularly about her to my family even if they don't ask. I just offer up information. I told my family when she graduated college. I am going to put her on a family tree laden with Irish Catholic conservative real life avoidant real emotional avoiding snobs. I am obviously public here on the Net.
I don't allow anyone to deny that she is my daughter and I am her mother.
Well, thats not quite true.
I do allow one person to deny that.
She has told me I am not her mother. She has told me she doesn't want me to call myself her mother.
Of course I know that is ridiculous but am I not disrespecting her if I claim my motherhood to HER? (Yeah, yeah, go ahead, argue I am disrespecting myself by allowing it.)
I cry as I write this for I am terrified that every move I make will be the wrong move. I walk on egg shells and say pretty please and try to be light hearted (read: fake) so that she is comfortable and I play by HER rules. When she says DONT, I dont. We play a game of red light green light on a regular basis.
If I don't, what happens? I am already on thin reunion ice. I don't want to fall through.
Reality, I don't know what site/software my cousin has used. The issue may be a non-issue. If it is not public, I may be okay with listing her amended name. Interestingly it is QUITE common. I doubt my avoidant skeleton in the closet hiding family is going to look up all the women born with that name and say "hey, wanna come to Fire Island for our next reunion picnic?" without my knowledge.
If it is something public (ala on-line) I could be getting a branch of a family tree rammed up my derriere and lose what precious contact I have with her while I sit there and pick splinters out of my arse.
I just don't know what to do.
I am frustrated I am even putting this much emotional energy into the topic.