â€œAs we do at such times I turned on my automatic pilot and went through the motions of normalcy on the outside, so that I could concentrate all my powers on surviving the near-mortal wound inside.â€ – Sonja Johnson
A first mom friend recently attended the wedding of her reunited daughter. She sent me pictures over the weekend (you know who you are!) and told me she "survived" the event.
Awful, eh? She has to talk about "surviving" her daughters wedding. Most parents survive the hectic planning, or the finances, or the frenzy of the days events. Moms like my friend manage to survive a day peppered with any number of emotional triggers. Several friends of mine had to be sedated to get through such events. Sounds like my friend was able to get through it without medical assistance.
I haven’t asked my friend yet but I cannot help but wonder how the daughter and adoptive family managed certain aspects.
Where did they seat my friend?
Was she acknowledged?
What was said to her?
What she told how "lucky" she was that she was even invited or considered?
She told me that at one point in a rehearsal dinner adoptive mom pulled her aside privately and gave her a present so she "wouldn’t feel left out". Minutes later, those in attendance were publicly recognized and given gifts. Not the first mom, she got hers in private. in advance, real special and secretive like. This made her feel not left out? Are you kidding me?
The very idea of attending my daughters wedding gives me body tremors. I am not sure I could be as strong as many of my first mom friends have been. I don’t know if I can tolerate being pushed aside, ignored, relegated to sit in the back or worse yet, stared at like some monkey in a cage (or Barbie in a box) as adoptive relatives pointed, stared and whispered "So THATS the woman who abandoned her child".
(Another on-line friend tells a completely different story regarding her experience at her daughters wedding. Read it now.)
Normal people not torched by adoption would likely congratulate my friend on her daughters nuptials. I feel compelled to congratulate her on her mental wellness and emotional fortitude.
Heres to you, my friend.