â€œWe all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles.â€ – Mark Twain
There are many potholes that a mother can fall into during her search for her child. One of those potholes contains the question of whether or not contact should be made to an adult adoptee (adult is considered age 18 or over) first or should contact be made to their adoptive parents.
I have had adoptees (over the age of 18) go freaking ballistic at the suggestion that their parents should be contacted first.
I have had adoptive parents go equally ballistic over not being contacted first.
What say you?
I tend to look at situations like this as if I was in them. I try to imagine the other persons point of view and how they would feel. With this in mind, my position is that contact with an adopted adult aged 18 or above should be made directly to the adoptee. If they can enlist in our military, marry, divorce, vote, and more, they can certainly make a decision on their own for contact or not with their first family.
Yet, many adoptive parents (and two in the past week) greatly objected to contact being made by the mother to her adult child.
Why is this?
My personal suspicion is that it is a control issue. I believe adoptive parents want to continue to control (preserve, protect) their illusion of family. They hide that control grenade under a nice soft blanket of “protecting the adoptee” or “knowing the adoptee better and knowing the adoptee is too immature, not interested, not ready to handle contact”.
Are they really protecting the adoptee or are they protecting themselves or is it a combination of both?
Vote and then leave comment if you wish.