That was WHACK

"Collective fear stimulates herd instinct, and tends to produce ferocity toward those who are not regarded as members of the herd." – Bertrand Russell


Last night I had a drive by commenter on my blog who left me a comment indicating I was a "whack job". Said commenter from Fredonia, NY (IP address, had googled "reign over me" and had come across my blog since I had once written about the movie and how it affected me.

I laughed at the "whack job" statement and certainly did not get upset. Frankly, I am surprised I don’t get more haters. Whenever you challenge the beliefs surrounding the sacred cow that is known as Adoption in the USofA you are bound to get a few angry folks coming out of the wood work. In my experience, the ones that get most angry at me sharing my experience are usually adoptive parents. I have received buckets of emails from adoptive parents and prospective adoptive parents who in their own unique sort of way ask me to STFU because if I keep talking they might not get that baby they are trying to buy.

I get emails from adoptive parents who say "their adoption wasn’t like mine" so they therefore assume that all adoption is peachy. Must be nice to live in that bubble, don’t you think? I remember being there. I had a trip there once. Back in oh, I guess late 1986 I visited that land where adoption was fabu. It was foggy there. My emotional visa expired though and I had to leave. Since then, I have learned there is good and MUCH EVIL in adoption. I don’t need to support the good. I do need to fight the evil.

I welcome that kind of mail. I interpret those sorts of responses to mean that we are making people nervous, that real change could happen.

Hate away. If it means one more baby gets to stay with her mama, send me all the hate mail you want. It will not deter me and if anything will only add fuel to my fire.

Think about it this way. Consider a time line. In 1960something or other, babies were taken and lost to closed adoption. In 1986, the carrot of semi open adoption was used to bait many mothers I lived with in the home. In the 1990s, open adoptions became more dominant. See a trend here? Things are opening, changing. I believe strongly that with time we will be saving more babies and helping more mothers to keep those precious bundles. I believe someday mothers will believe that the best gift they can give to their child is themself.

Keep hating. Keep driving by and getting nervous. I love it.

And to those friends who got so offended for me, I adore you but really I am fine. Whack job that I am.

Hee hee.

10 Thoughts.

  1. Excellent retort!
    It’s a shame that people don’t take the time to read and THINK a bit more. I guess everyone is in their respective corners, though, where the name of the game is to attack those who think differently than you and defend your point of view at all costs.
    Drives me nuts.

  2. It saddens me that you would receive “hate mail/comments” just because you’re expressing how much grief adoption has caused in your life. It’s not fair to demand that those who relinquish go silent, no matter on which side of the triad you stando on, much less if like me, you stand in none.
    As far as I’m concerned, the biggest whack job is the one who really thinks the loss of a child, the loss of roots does not affect people or the way they view the world.
    Btw, I read once in a while and don’t usually comment, but just wanted to tell you I don’t think you’re nuts, and that I value your perspective.

  3. You lost your child and they don’t think that you should say something?
    Then they are truly the whackjobs!

  4. Your not a whack job *hah*, a “dink” maybe, but not a whack job!
    Mucho Love 🙂

  5. K – Didnt you just type more letters by than than just typing Kristy? LOL.
    Dink? No, sadly, I am no longer a dink. I had a short spin on that ride and it was lovely. I am post dink but we are still good buds. Mr. Dink is quite lovely.
    : )

  6. I´m a potential AP. Have been reading several blogs in this circle to try to learn. I have learned a lot, it´s been good. But everytime I ask honest questions I just get ignored. Maybe people think I am being facetious but I´m not. I really want to know what is thought out there. Not sure how many times and how many different people I have to ask these questions to before someone will answer me but I´ll keep trying. I´m learning and understanding about the evils of adoptions and I do agree that babies should be raised by their own family. But I am wondering about the children that are abandoned/given up and are growing up in orphanages or foster care. Do you guys think that those children are better off not being adopted? I agree that in an ideal world the mother´s would be counseled and assisted to be able to keep their children. Nevertheless children continue to be raised in orphanages and foster care. What about them? Please give us some tangible tips of what to look-out for in order to pursue an ethical adoption. I hear a lot of folks saying that not all adoptions are evil…so what do those look like, in your opinion? I´m asking anyone who wants to answer…I don´t think you are a whack job either…I have learned a lot here and nearby.

  7. Who was it that said well behaved women never make history.
    You tell ’em. They just don’t get it but hopefully some day they will.

  8. I’ve been getting some “hate” mail lately too. It is WACK. But it DOES reveal uncomfortable skins from the “other side.”
    Tracey, to understand the complexity of adoption and children in orphanages, I think a first important step to take is to understand that orphanages are seen as a way to provide children w/ food, education, and housing for parents who can’t afford to raise their children in many 3rd world countries. Their concept of orphanages is different than “our” concept of orphanages, and the same rule applies to adoption for many as well. Some parents put their children into these facilities with NO INTENTIONS of them being adopted. They get scammed.
    Not to mention the amount of children kidnapped and placed into the orphanages in order to facilitate more adoptions to the United States because they make the most money that way.
    Its hard to say what should happen to children in orphanages, when not so many would be there if international adoption to the United States wasn’t so profitable.
    for the ones who have been placed there as a form of termporary care by their parents, then the answer to that is simple, they should remain.
    For the children in foster care and orphanages who are truly orphans and in need of a home, my opinion is that they should be adopted by people in their country. I have spoken with enough international adoptees to believe that keeping people with their people, even if not their immediate family, is more positive than losing a culture, heritage, identity,language and native land.
    Now for foster youth and children, I believe that for those who want to be adopted, ( because some don’t ) then give them first priority into homes. But HONOR THEIR RIGHTS IN THE PROCESS. One shouldn’t have to change his/her name, have a new certificate issued that removes their parents names and vital details in order to be provided for. Foster youth should have first priority into homes approved and willing to provide for a child not born within the immediate family.

  9. Regarding Tracey’s question — and I’m glad someone answered, because at least she cares enough to ask — Suz, you might provide her with some of your previous posts, or other links that explain your perspective on this, which I happen to agree with. Adoption is not completely unnecessary. But it should be about homes for children who would not otherwise have a loving and stable home, NOT about providing needy parents with the kids they lack. And without changing their identities or pretending they don’t have original families.
    I fear that is why most PAPs want infants… so they can pretend. Even when the child is obviously not of their race and culture. I have an Asian adoptee friend who, at around age 5, believed she was made white on her adoption day.
    Talk about perpetuated denial…

Comments are closed.