This is Awful and This is Crap

“Develop a built-in bullshit detector.” – Ernest Hemingway

Have you seen this story? It is awful on so many levels.

But from my perspective two things really upset me (almost as much as the terrible loss of life itself)

Consider this paragraph:

""The children’s birth mothers will not be notified unless they ask. They
were all young, single mothers at the time of the children’s births,
the agency said.

After their children are adopted, they usually make a fresh start and
our agency doesn’t reach out first. Only if they contact us, we will
inform them what happened," Hong said, adding that no phone calls were
received so far.

The children — Ethan, 10, Seth, 7, Mira, 5,
and Eleanor, 3 — were adopted by the Sueppels in 1998, 1999, 2002 and
2005, respectively, Holt officials said. After adopting Ethan, the
couple decided to adopt his siblings from Korea, rather than other
countries, they said."

So, get this, mothers in Korea surrender  their children to adoption and they are given to an American couple. Those children are murdered by the adoptive father and the mothers will NEVER be told. Instead they  get to live out their  fresh starts with the life long agony of wondering where their  children are and how they are doing.  They might ponder reunion. They will always wonder what their children look like. Maybe they will get savvy and someday search on their own. Unless they do, they  will never be told THEIR CHILDREN ARE DEAD and THEY WERE MURDERED.

The Holt reps states that they will not notify the mothers due to the "fresh starts" and so far no phone calls have been received.

Guess what, asswipe, there is no such thing as a fresh start. That is adoption koolaid pumping through your veins and corporate doublespeak intended to protect your culpability. Get real.

Women who lose children to adoption get on  with their lives but they are never "fresh". They are always, permanently wounded, always scarred. Never, ever the same. I know, I am one of those "fresh starters".  Losing my child to adoption was and remains the greatest trauma of my life time.  Where exactly is that fresh start? When does it begin? I got big boobs at an early age but perhaps my fresh start is a late blooming activity?

And that phone call?  More things the agency never told me. Perhaps they did and I disregarded it, or maybe it was in fine print…

"Please be sure to contact the agency regularly, once a year is good,  to see if your child has been murdered. If you don’t call to ask about their death, we will never contact you. Instead, we will let you live out that fresh start you have gotten. Thank you very much. "

Perhaps the agencies should hand out phone calling cards after we sign TPRs just to insure the crackhead birthmothers have enough money to make those dead pool calls?

11 Thoughts.

  1. That is disgraceful.
    It should be made a law that if children are killed, the natural parents are told so that they are not waiting in vain. In fact, I think the natural parents should be told even if the death is accidental. How cruel are these agencies?
    It also rather puts paid to the passive reunion registry – the ones that closed records people advocate. It’s rather difficult to make a match when your son or daughter is dead and is unable to apply.
    The agency sure won’t do it for them.

  2. This is so disgusting. I can’t imagine it being the birthparents responsibility to check in to see if thier child is still alive…and “they usually make a fresh start” nonsense? Ugh, I am really really getting tired of agency rhetoric these days…

  3. WTF????????
    I’m glad politics are being used to decide who deserves to be allowed to mourn the death of their own children. that’s really nice. That’s really f-ing nice.
    PUT DOWN THE FREAKING KOOL-AID jkdasf’dfhpiufadlfbdalvcblafhadsfhds;!!!!!!1!111one

  4. Yea I liked that one too. Then I get the anonymous commenter who thinks that we all should just shut up and be grateful.
    I say screw them all.

  5. Yea I liked that one too. Then I get the anonymous commenter who thinks that we all should just shut up and be grateful.
    I say screw them all.

  6. There was recently been much discussion and an attempt to broaden the adoption disclosure legislation here. (Until a court challenge stopped it.) The talk was about protecting the poor “birth” mothers and their desire for privacy and anonymity. But as the discussions went on it became clear that the real fear was that if women could not be guaranteed confidentiality they would not consider adoption thereby taking a baby off the market.
    As somebody said somewhere, it is not what’s best for the chid, it’s about filling adopter needs. And that is exactly what is going on in this situation. It’s spin. It’s not about protecting “fresh starts” it’s about protecting the industry by not telling your supply pool that someone’s kids came over to the US and got murdered by the people who adopted them. Not good for business.
    I use the words business and industry whether it is a profit or not-for-profit operation. Because I think the whole thing is just as insidious whether or not there is money changing hands.

  7. Devastating, I want to write something stronger than the tapping of a keyboard. Sometimes I want to scream myself to death.
    When a search angel contacted me one day with news of a death of a man who was an adoptee but more so he had been searching his whole life for his natural mom. It felt like I died to. I wrote to those aparents, they smugly replied I wont even go into that one. It turned out he wasnt mine, but he was someone’s and he was searching. Im not sure I am making a point here but I was shaken for weeks.
    I know I am a little behind the times with you younger gals out there. I just watched the movie August Rush and I am still crying. There is more than shutting us up and out. We will always feel and love our own and that young man was searching for his momma before he died. Those adoptive parents knew where they bought him and had paper work.

  8. I TOTALLY caught the same thing. How utterly disrespectful not to allow those mothers to mourn the loss of their children. It really pissed me off too.

  9. And we were thought to be unfit parents??? I wish someone would do some honest research about the fates of adopted children: how many are abused, killed, neglected, given back. But NOOOO, that would ruin the fantasy of adoption being in the best interest of the child.
    This is horrendous. They INSIST that we move on and yet we’re supposed to ASK? Get a grip. I wish someone had called me when my son’s adoptive parents turned over to the system at 13. He could easily have ended up dead. And I would have been thinking he just didn’t want to be found.

  10. I am numb from trying to figure it all out – what could have been done to catch this man’s instability before he adopted, why and how he could have ever thought murdering his family was the only way out (that’s a whole other discussion for me, has nothing to do with adoption and everything to do with the capitalist mentality), and what mothers in Korea who have surrendered their children must be going through. And I simply cannot get my head around it.
    Cat, excellent point about the passive reunion!!

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