"Nothing is more terrible than ignorance in action." – Johann Goethe
Oh yes, yes, she did.
A comment emailed to me from an angry prospective adoptive mother:
"How dare you suggest we stop adoptions! How am I supposed to get a child if adoptions cease? I am infertile and cannot have a child. Your suggestion angered me."
Years ago, I would have gotten defensive. Nowadays, I have to laugh and feel sorry for these sorts.
I do have a few choice words here for that PAM:
The clue phone is ringing quite loudly. Pick it up. Now.
ADOPTION IS NOT ABOUT FINDING BABIES FOR INFERTILE COUPLES.
Adoption should be about finding homes for children — only as a last resort.
No one owes you a child. Shit, my right eye, as lovely green as it may be, is kinda lazy. When I get tired it doesn’t work so well. It wanders. I want a new eye. Can I just take someone else’s? I WANT A RIGHT EYE THAT WORKS PERFECTLY.
Many will tell you it was Gods plan that you could not conceive. Maybe you were supposed to have children with another dude. Still others, expectant mothers in a crisis pregnancy, will tell you that God intended for their child to be surrendered and oh lovely they intended their child to go to you.
I cannot buy into that. See, to believe that you need to believe in a punishing God. Shoot, you need to believe in God. I don’t believe in either.
Children are conceived and should be raised by their natural family. That was your Gods plan. If for some reason they cannot, their extended family should be considered. The father and his family should be considered. All options should be pursued before you erase a child’s natural family, change their name, lock up their medical records and fracture their identity forever.
It is not about YOU, Mrs Infertile Prospective Adoptive Mother.
It is about a child. A child who HAS a mother.
Have you considered adopting out of foster care? AdoptUsKids has a great site and campaign underway.
You don’t want some one else’s problem? You want an infant? Your own child? (I thought we covered this already? I am confused.)
Adoption is not about YOU. Please. For the sake of any child you might acquire, keep it in mind. You should not be adopting if you seriously, truly are brought to adoption putting your own needs first.
No child wants to be loved for merely what they represent to you. And it sounds in your case, as if they will forever represent the child you could not have but insisted you were owed.
P.S. Green eyes can be shipped to my P.O. Box.
P.P.S. If you read this blog with any amount of regularity, you should know that I support family preservation first. If you need more words than that, please consult my about page and read My Position.