Unlearning Adoption

"Action springs not from thought, but from readiness for responsibility." – Dietrich Boenhofer

Yet another book completed. Unlearning Adoption: A Guide To Family Preservation by Jessica DeBalzo. Highly recommend. Should be required reading for all PAPS, even existing Aparents and definitely for anyone involved in any form of social services.

Kudos to Jess for her work. Direct, candid, honest, and full of good stuff. I read it in an afternoon.

My only regret is that there is significant (totally valid) reference to BSE.  I am continually concerned that so many of our books and research seems to leave the reader with the thought that the heinous crimes stopped after BSE. They didn’t. They continued and got more crafty and devious.  I was interred in a maternity home in 1986, gave birth alone, was coerced, threatened to be sued, watched by housemothers and caseworkers. It did not stop. More importantly it continues till today.

Last year a few moms and I (all post BSE) talked about the need to do our own book, project, expose.  We barely got it off the ground. I got distracted by my "real" life and we all got consumed with other adoption work.  We really must revisit it.

Perhaps that is the focus of my own book. Who knows. I am hoping to take Novel Writing 1 with Masha Hamilton. Undecided on my book topic. I have so many in my head.

I really enjoyed the last section that gave good suggestions on how we can help with family preservation. Proud to say I am involved in several.

But yeah, hooray to Jess for an excellent book. Go buy it. Now. Share
it with all your friends and family. Mail it to your Governor, Senator
or other political official.

4 Thoughts.

  1. You know I’m in right? Check some of the New Era moms at OUSA, I bet they would be willing too.

  2. Suz, I’ve spent much of the afternoon reading back into your posts. Your writing, your story, is so heartwrenching and I can so relate, that I could have commented on every one. I chose an older one — Better Here? — for now, and as I visit your blog regularly (it is definitely one of my favorites!), I’ll be able to keep up and comment more often. I will get Jessica DeBalzo’s book. Maybe I’ve been sipping on the not-so-kool-aid myself. I feel so clueless. My son was born and taken from me 37 years ago. It’s only recently that I’ve woken up and realized that things haven’t changed since the BSE. Women are NOT choosing adoption, as the industry would have us believe, but still being shamed and coerced into giving away their children. Thank you for your blog! I’m a big fan!

  3. What about birthmothers who have babies, then dispose of them in a dumpster. Should they be given a second chance to be moms to their children?

  4. Kara – Babies who are left in dumpsters (as rare as that is) should be removed from the dumpster and taken to safety. However, I don’t believe blanket laws should be made based on the small number of those cases that really happen. That would be a fear based knee jerk reaction based on emotion not logic and facts.
    It would also be unwise to assume the mother was the one who left the child. There have been cases of boyfriends, fathers, even grandparents dumping babies. So yes, indeed, sometimes mother should be given a second chance once the facts of the case are known (provided the parents can even be located).
    You might want to check some statistics on how often that happens if you are seriously concerned with that. Also, check your states safe haven (often called “baby dumps”) laws. Finally, I don’t believe babies that are left in dumpsters will have any trouble finding a home. The US has more demand for the infant “product” than it does supply.

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