All's Fair in Love and Reunion

Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again.  ~Rosa Parks

During the almost three years of reunion with my daughter, I have often vented to family or friends how her behavior somtimes makes me feel. Without fail, every time I do this I hear the same thing:

“Oh, she is young. Give her time. You have more knowledge than she does about this stuff. She is only a kid.  She is supposed to act that way.”

I greatly dislike hearing this. While all of that is true, does anyone see how dismissive this is?

How does my stating I am upset or hurt turn into an act of defending her? Why do my feelings get dismissed?

When I was a kid and my father would verbally abuse me, I would be told “Oh, he is an alcoholic he doesn’t know what he is doing. He is sick. He doesn’t mean it.”.

And that made it okay?

I am not looking for someone to defend her when I say my feelings are hurt or I am sad rather I am looking for someone to comfort me, to care about ME, not her.  For someone to give me a hug and say they understand and my feelings are valid.

Sure, she has a right to be conflicted, angry, immature, and more in relation to our reunion.

But you know what? So do I.

7 Thoughts.

  1. Suz: Finally! I have been waiting for this spirited post. Those are my feelings also. Enough is enough. We never get that permanent excuse forever. Yet, how long does this prison sentance go on?
    Today, I send an overdue hug to you with sincerity and understanding.

  2. Young – whatever! You deserve to vent. You deserve to cry. You desever to complain. You lost your daughter because you were young and taken advantage of; emotionally AND legally. You deserve your daughter and when you don’t have that, you deserve to vent about your saddness. God Suz, how I wish your daughter would wake up and come to your open arms. I wish so much that my own mother; who IS open, was AS open as you. I am so sorry that you aren’t getting what you deserve as a mother.

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