Life is rather like a tin of sardines – we’re all of us looking for the key.- Alan Bennet
Some months ago there was a commerical on the telly that had random peoples going around saying "Thank You". I believe it was for a credit card company and maybe had something to do with cash back rewards. I dont remember.
I do remember I never quite understood the commercials as the cash back awards weren’t blatantly obvious in the scripting. It was merely random folks, walking around with confused faces saying "Thank you?".
I kinda felt like that today when I received this email from a blog visitor. I dont know this person. He explains his visit well enough but um, dear sir, I am not sure if you are trying to be supportive, offensive, argumentative or what.
Perhaps its me. But in case I am supposed to thank you…um, thanks.
How do my regular commentors read this?
"I stumbled onto your confessionals while doing a series of Google searches for the meaning of my mates name "Kathleen."
The name has at least 26 variants not counting the "Colleen" versions, but we both got a laugh when I landed on your entry starting with the Gaelic definition of "Kah-leen."
The accepted etymology of Kathleen is from the Greek language meaning "pure one."
Quite different than "wench."
Then I read some of your entries.
The way I look at it is life is full of lots of different human choices mixed with many uncontrollable acts of nature and accidental occurrences thrown in the mix. Like a bunch of self-directed pool balls an a gigantic "cosmic" pool table, we can, and should, direct our own paths toward the place that we desire; but, many times we are knocked off course by other people, uncontrollable forces, and wrong choices we make along the way.
I wish you the best in your efforts to make better what you believe is a bad choice you were led to make as a young woman, but I am not sure if blaming it all on evil adoption agencies is either honest or the best way to heal and forgive yourself.
The fact is, you chose to abandon your daughter. You committed a selfish act based on the popular meme of the times that said: If you have a baby when you are too young – your life will be ruined (a total crock which has led to millions of horrid abortions, screwed up adoptions and the putting off of having babies until it is too late).
You think you were conned, but you walked into the dragons lair of your own volition. You should take responsibility for this. Unfortunately, neither you nor your daughter will ever be able to totally forget the choice that you made to abandon her.
This was a defining moment that can never be undone. Thus, all the anger, frustration and angst in your confessionals.
I truly wish you the best. I have made many bad, selfish, choices in my life, so please don’t think that I am judging you or condemn you for making the choice you made. But it was a choice. You did enter into an agreement with these sleazebags.
I hope you and your daughter can find a way to live around this reality and create as much love as possible between you.