People who produce good results feel good about themselves. – Ken Blanchard
Many thanks to all who contributed their thoughts to my johari window. It was quite interesting and very helpful to me.
Let me explain.
Two years ago, prior to reuniting with my daughter, I conducted the same test. The meme had been flying around the internet and loving this type of stuff I joined in. I completely forgot about it until recently.
Last weekend I finished reading Irvin Yaloms â€œThe Gift of Therapyâ€. Towards the back of the book, he references the johari window and I remembered the meme of a few years back. I was curious.
Would my two years in reunion have changed my johari results? Has my therapy been helpfull? Would the way I see myself be more in line with the way others see me? Two years ago, the results were way out of line.
I am happy to say that is no longer the case.
Now I realize this is not a controlled experiment. Different people clearly assessed me the second time (well, some different, some were the same). Even still, I will take the positive results as a sign of progress and recovery.
My other, more personal reason for doing that, was, as always, my daughter. When I met with a fellow blogger in Chicago a few weeks ago, she made some comments about my blog and how if she were my daughter how she would feel about certain things. This intrigued me. (She also said interesting things about a photo album but that is another post.)
I write very much with intent. I am aware this blog is public (duh) and even that is intentional. While my daughter does not read here, I am aware that she or anyone she knows could pop on by at any time. I am confident I can stand behind anything I write here and if she should ask, I would gladly discuss or explain anything that might give her pause. As it stands today, there is a great deal more to my and her story that I DONâ€™T share for exactly that reason. Some things should be private, and shared personally.
All that being said, fellow blogger got me paranoid. OMG? Do I come across as a total psycho freakazoid? Evil? Like I am going postal? Do I appear overly needy and EMO? I have been called "stuck" and "cold" by other bloggers. Am I? While I am in favor of family preservation above adoption, and I am absolutely against closed infant adoption the way it is practiced today, do I come across as someone who is going to slay all adopters? What assumptions might my daughter make if she did indeed read here? She and I know her aparents once read me. What opinions did they form? How accurate were they?
So, again, johari.
Not only did the johari give me a sense of where I have been versus where I am at but it also gave me some comfort in that you told me how you view me. It was a bit of a relief.
The johari window focuses on positive feedback. There is such a thing as a nohari window which can solicit negative. I had thought about that as well and frankly, I donâ€™t believe I need to do that. I tend to be my own worst critic and am very aware of where I need to improve. Furthermore, I have had enough people cast judgment on my adoption trauma. I am not going to intentionally put myself out there for more.
Losing your child to adoption is the worst punishment and judgment imaginable.
So yeah, thanks.