Positive Results

People who produce good results feel good about themselves. – Ken Blanchard

Many thanks to all who contributed their thoughts to my johari window. It was quite interesting and very helpful to me.

Let me explain.

Two years ago, prior to reuniting with my daughter, I conducted the same test. The meme had been flying around the internet and loving this type of stuff I joined in. I completely forgot about it until recently.

Last weekend I finished reading Irvin Yaloms “The Gift of Therapy”. Towards the back of the book, he references the johari window and I remembered the meme of a few years back. I was curious.

Would my two years in reunion have changed my johari results? Has my therapy been helpfull? Would the way I see myself be more in line with the way others see me? Two years ago, the results were way out of line.

I am happy to say that is no longer the case.

Now I realize this is not a controlled experiment. Different people clearly assessed me the second time (well, some different, some were the same). Even still, I will take the positive results as a sign of progress and recovery.

My other, more personal reason for doing that, was, as always, my daughter. When I met with a fellow blogger in Chicago a few weeks ago, she made some comments about my blog and how if she were my daughter how she would feel about certain things. This intrigued me. (She also said interesting things about a photo album but that is another post.)

I write very much with intent. I am aware this blog is public (duh) and even that is intentional. While my daughter does not read here, I am aware that she or anyone she knows could pop on by at any time.  I am confident I can stand behind anything I write here and if she should ask, I would gladly discuss or explain anything that might give her pause.  As it stands today, there is a great deal more to my and her story that I DON’T share for exactly that reason. Some things should be private, and shared personally.

All that being said, fellow blogger got me paranoid. OMG? Do I come across as a total psycho freakazoid? Evil? Like I am going postal? Do I appear overly needy and EMO?  I have been called "stuck" and "cold" by other bloggers. Am I? While I am in favor of family preservation above adoption, and I am absolutely against closed infant adoption the way it is practiced today, do I come across as someone who is going to slay all adopters? What assumptions might my daughter make if she did indeed read here? She and I know her aparents once read me. What opinions did they form? How accurate were they? 

So, again, johari.

Not only did the johari give me a sense of where I have been versus where I am at but it also gave me some comfort in that you told me how you view me. It was a bit of a relief.

The johari window focuses on positive feedback. There is such a thing as a nohari window which can solicit negative. I had thought about that as well and frankly, I don’t believe I need to do that. I tend to be my own worst critic and am very aware of where I need to improve.  Furthermore, I have had enough people cast judgment on my adoption trauma. I am not going to intentionally put myself out there for more. 

Losing your child to adoption is the worst punishment and judgment imaginable.

So yeah, thanks.

5 Thoughts.

  1. Suz, I miss you! I wish Mom C would blog so I could have insight into the places she keeps me from. The irony of she and M and the way they aren’t isn’t lost on me. You and your blog are such a treasure, a wealth of information. I wish I had that. I also wish that M was more like me in some ways. I adore you. I always will. Love, Rebecca

  2. I too wish my mom would blog, write, speak, anything. I’d LOVE to know more of what she thinks & feels. I don’t think it’s easy for her to talk about it. Your views and input are invaluable for me.

  3. how’d you like The Gift of Therapy? Curious about what you thought about it… If it helped at all 🙂
    Jean

  4. I think my mom has a blog. If she does, there must be a reason she’s kept it secret.
    I grew up with “old” adoptive parents, who are total dorks when it comes to the internet. So I was watching my little sister plead for 50.00 to join a particular site and she starts telling mom all that it includes, a blog being one of them. Mom says. “I don’t want you to have a blog yet. Why don’t you keep writing in your journals?”
    While I doubt the blog was the reason she wanted to join, since there are free blogs everywhere, it was my mom’s reaction that I found interesting.
    I said: “You know what a blog is?” The look she gave me. I have to keep reminding myself how young my mom is! Then I said: “Do you blog?” She quickly changed the subject by going to look at this website my sister wanted to join. I could have pushed the issue but I decided that was her way of not wanting to tell me her blog address.
    I sometimes wonder what my mom would feel if she read mine. It’s entirely possible that she has, since I gave the address to my brother. But I trust that he didn’t. Sometimes I worry that she would feel that in writing my own story, I’m violating hers. When it comes to my adoption posts, the story is both of ours. Of course it’s anonymous but there are clues if you know either me or my mother, and I write using my real name.
    What would she think? Would she be angry? Would she enjoy the insight into my thoughts on adoption and our reunion? Would she be freaked out? Would she pull away from me? Would she feel violated? Should I pull it down? All these things come to mind regarding my mother and my blog.
    I think I would love to read my mother’s blog, if she wanted me to. I love getting to know my mother but I know there is so much more.
    I remember when we first had our very first discussion. She told me that her heart was in my hands. I will never forget that and I will always try to protect it.

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