“Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.” – Martin Luther King

Fourth of July. I had thought about sending my daughter an ecard to wish her a happy fourth but decided against it. I wanted to do it because, well, I wished my sons a Happy 4th. It seemed natural to do the same for her. Its been about three months since I have heard from her. When there are lapses in her responses to me, I start to feel like I am annoying her. I feel weird. I know popular school of thought is to keep in contact with an adoptee even if they ignore you but I must admit it feels wierd and wrong.

If this were a different type of relationship, say boyfriend and ex-girlfriend, I would be thought  a deranged stalker. I would be thought of as someone who needed help and maybe even dangerous.

But I am not her ex-girlfriend. Nor am I her ex-mother (there can be no such thing) yet I still feel like, oh, I dont know. I am bothersome. Even though she doesnt tell me that. What is one to assume when you write someone and they dont write back? 

Regardless, I do hope she is out at a picnic somewhere with friends or family. Maybe enjoying a hotdog or a nice cold beer (she is legal to drink now). Maybe she is running in a park playing a game of frisbee with some bare chested attractive man? Maybe that same man will hold her hand and watch fireworks with her later today.

My own day will be rather quiet. The weather in my part of New England aint so hot. Rain is for sure to arrive. While I would also love to be in a park with a bare chested attractive man, I am relegated to laundry, mommydom and domesticity.  The excitement of my day is preparing for my trip to Chi-town!  Woot! Woot!

I am so excited. Thats my city. I am arriving on Friday and will leave on Tuesday. Going to meet with several adoptee friends and a mom friend. Last time I did that three of us spent an entire DAY sitting in the Allerton Hotel restaurant crying, laughing, and taking pictures!  Could be a long weekend! Several of my friends are young 20 somethings who have demanded I quell them with liquor. Hee hee.  I am all for it.

Happy fourth to my daughter, to my friends and to my friends in Chicago, I am on my way in 48 hours!!

3 Thoughts.

  1. In my early twenties, anything my mother did was bothersome. Perhaps it’s not you, it’s just the age and phase?
    I hope you’re having a nice day. I read a good (and totally pointless!) book in a day and I feel refreshed.

  2. Hi, there, long time no comment!
    My heart goes out to you, Suz, as I read this. Boundaries are so hard to respect – and sometimes I think respecting them really isn’t the best thing. But I also know it’s important to do that, for the very reasons you talk about here. It’s just plain hard.
    Happy Fourth to you and your family – and have a wonderful time in Chicago!

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