Pass the Dutchie (please)

"El Ni̱o is a good example to illustrate that there is indeed predictability in the midst of chaos." РPeter Webster

In my mind it resembles El Nino. I see it moving from women to women like El Nino moves across the Pacific.

El Nino.

Rather funny in way. For in Spanish, El Nino or La Nina is child – girl or boy depending on which word chosen. But it wasn’t a child I was originally thinking of. It was literally that mass of warm water in the Pacific.

“El Niño and La Niña are officially defined as sustained sea surface temperature anomalies of magnitude greater than 0.5°C across the central tropical Pacific Ocean. When the condition is met for a period of less than five months, it is classified as El Niño or La Niña conditions; if the anomaly persists for five months or longer, it is classified as an El Niño or La Niña episode. Historically, it has occurred at irregular intervals of 2-7 years and has usually lasted one or two years.”

The official definition is equally fascinating to my analogy.

See, I see El Nino/La Nina as an amorphous travelling blob of pain felt by women.  Infertile women often feel it first. They discover they are infertile. They try and try to get pregnant. They try treatments. They spend lots of money. Perhaps they cry. Maybe they are angry. With each failed pregnancy, each dollar spent on treatments more and more negative energy is built into the Travelling Transferring Blob of agony.  It’s a beast. The women crave, hunger, are desparate for a child. Maybe their partner is too. The women may feel inferior, less of a woman due to infertility. Maybe she is even called that by family or friends. Maybe she isnt. Maybe she makes herself feel that way. Regardless, pain, torment, anguish. Desire, hunger for a child. She wants to be normal. Have a family, like everyone else. The only thing that will take away this pain is a child. The image of a child. The fanstasy of a child.

The hunger builds. The blob is large and full of negative energy. More tears. More sadness. More depression. Anger.

And adoption enters on the scene. The angsty desparate couple believes only whats good with adoption. Its about the child. Its not about them. They don’t NEED a child. They are HELPING a child. (Of course, they only want to help a healthy newborn not one in foster care.) They don’t investigate the agency. They don’t believe in Primal Wound. They must feed their need to get a child. They are ravenous.  Its not really them speaking – its this huge blob of angst fueling them. Give. Me. Child.   Imagine this couple with this HUGE blob of  child hunger swirling around them. Kirilian photography would capture murky colors, troubled colors in the thick mist surrounding the couple. It is a cloud of pain.

Child arrives. Pure, wonderful, innoncent child.   Much white light. Clarity. Rejoicing. Angels heard on high.

Couple is happy.  Blob is no longer needed.

But where does all that negative energy go? Its been swirling in the atmosphere, being fed for years. Its huge now. 

Couple doesn’t feel it anymore. They bask in the beautiful glow of the child they took from another. Couple feels good now. Ahh, look at the beautiful baby.

But like the warm water in the Pacific, that negatively charged amorphous blob must go somewhere. That negative energy, that pain, it must travel.  Where does it go?

It is transferred. It is handed, like a virtual baton, from the formerly childless couple to the women who lost her child. Now she can carry that anger, that resentment, that horrible aching need, that never ending feeling of not being good enough, of hungering for the child from her womb, the child who fed at her breast.

Transference. P:erhaps projection.

The infertile mother transfers her blob of pain to the fertile women who lost her child. She gets to carry it now. While the newly minted mother grows and basks in the light of the child she adopted, the natural mother lives with the double agony. Her own agony over the loss of her child and the extra blob of negative energy she absorbed from the adoptive mother.

And so the aching for the child continues. Only now, it’s the natural mother who aches for the child. For the return of her child. For the reunion. 

If she is “lucky” enough, she will find her child, if she is not careful, not self aware, she will carry that blob of negativity and anger with her and in some cases, transfer it again, onto the child.

Where the child was once the salve for the wounds of the infertile women, the child becomes again, the salve for the wounds of the natural mother in agony.

Child as healer.

Healer to an infertile woman and healer to a natural mother in agony.

If the child is forced to accept this blob, if the infertile women is faced with it again upon reunion, entire worlds can explode. Atoms collide. More than a few fish will die from those heated waters.

It was bound to happen. Energy must be released. For in every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Postive and negative always equal a negative.

Transferring pain.

How is that a good thing?

2 Thoughts.

  1. This analogy is brilliant, Suz. And it is definitely not good.
    “The angsty desparate couple believes only whats good with adoption. Its about the child. Its not about them. They don’t NEED a child. They are HELPING a child. (Of course, they only want to help a healthy newborn not one in foster care.)”
    Yes, this was absolutely true of me. It’s hard to admit, hard to face, but true.

  2. The images you write knock me off my senses at time. That “amorphous traveling blob of pain felt by women.” Holy smokes.

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