Is Adoption Like eBay?

"It does not look good for Saddam Hussein and his sons. Yesterday we bombed the restaurant where they were eating and today I went on the Internet and they were selling pieces of Uday and Qusay on eBay." – Jay Leno

The third grade is studying Japan now. Today my son had to go dressed in traditional Japanese clothing. Who, by god, has this hanging around the house? (If you are not Japanese?). We improvised with a bad shirt of my husbands (large, with flames on it), a big sash belt and socks with flip flops. I forgot to let him borrow a camera. (Gomennasai to my Japanese friends).

At dinner I inquire. How did Japan day go? I ask about the costumes the kids wore, who had the best, what they talked about, etc. We covered tatami mats, using –san for someones name, not using someones first name, sushi, Mount Fuji, waving kitty, Buddah and more. Since I have personally been to Japan on business we had an enjoyable conversation about what he was learning versus what I had seen first hand when I was in Tokyo.

Later, he mentions that China has more people than Japan.  Dad says something about the population. Mom talks about China limiting the number of children you can have. Mom mentions Chinese children – usually girls – being adopted.

And then he asks.

“Is adoption like eBay?”

OMFG! I gasped. Screeched. Laughed out loud. It was not a funny question but the sheer irony (and truth in some cases) in my sons question was too much for me.

I ask him why he thinks that.

“Well, I just think adoption is weird. I mean like, if a mom cannot feed her child and have a house, why doesn’t someone help her? Why do they just take and sell the baby? And exactly how do they do that? Does someone just show up at the hospital and say “give me whatever kids you have?”

Oh my my. My intelligent caring son. How does one answer this? How do I answer that without interjecting my own passion, anger, and judgement. How does a mother who had her first born child taken by brokers and “sold” to adopters who had money that she did not answer that question?

First I wanted to hug him for conceiving and then asking the question. He was quite serious. He wanted to know the answer.

I stutter. I really don’t have an answer. I decide to probe him further.

“What makes you think of that?” I ask him

“I reminds me of Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends.”, he says.

(Foster’s Home For Imaginary Friends is a cartoon that takes place in a home where imaginary friends go when their creators outgrow them. The inspiration came when McCracken and his wife, Lauren Faust, adopted a pair of dogs from an adoption shelter. McCracken was then inspired to wonder what if there was a similar place for childhood imaginary friends.”)

“See, if you don’t have a friend, you just dream one up and then you get one. And if you don’t like it later, you just give it back. And later someone else can take that imaginary friend or you can get a new one. Is that how people who adopt do it? Do they just decide they want someone elses baby, or friend, and take it?”

Gulp. Oh good goddess. How do I respond to this?

The answer?

I didn’t.

I just couldn’t. It was all too much for me.

I do believe I said something. But his wisdom, his questioning, his ability to see what so many full grown adults in American refuse to see, whelmed me. Why is it that  a nine year old boy can see the absurdity in American adoption but so many lawmakers cannot?

His brother then whined that he had to go potty.

I took him.

My daughter has been an imaginary friend to me hasn’t she, I thought as I walked to the bathroom.

Is adoption like eBay?  OMG. I can still hear him pretending to be an auctioneer selling a baby.

I will have to address that sometime. Tonight is not the night. Today was the official one year anniversary of seeing my daughter in the café. I am a bit spent on adoption trauma today.

8 Thoughts.

  1. What a beautiful young man and so grown-up for his age too. Funny thing is children do see things differently and honestly do understand so much more than most adults.
    Mo xoox

  2. Wow. What maturity, insight and clarity your son possesses. Yes, why don’t we help women feed, clothe and protect their babies so that the family can stay in tact?
    Hugs to you, Suz, about the one year mark on seeing your daughter. I can only imagine the range of emotions you’ve experienced today.

  3. Oh Suz – your son’s comments made me grin from ear to ear.
    Such insight!!
    We should listen to children more – me thinks.
    Sending BIG hugs your way.
    Poss. xxx

  4. my daughter and i are a big fan of fosters home for imaginary friends. and even my 10 yr old gets it.
    out of the mouths of babes huh?

  5. Your son is awesome.
    My kids watch this Foster’s Home For Imaginary Friends. I have huge issues float to the surface every time it’s on. HUGE issues. I was even going to blog about it. I still may.

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