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He gave it to some time after reunion. I don’t know how long afterward. Maybe 2006? He said he saw it in a store and thought of me and then of us and then of me, him and her.  The green stone set in sterling reminded  him of me. He recalled my favorite color was green and that I only purchased and wore sterling silver jewelry.  He said the shape of the pendant then lead him to think about us and naturally, our daughter. He told me the two squares on each end were him and I where the circle was our daughter we were attached by.  Three as one.  A trinity. Forever bound yet separated by space and time.

It was a lovely gesture.  I remember crying and becoming very emotional.  It was not hard for me to turn into a river of tears when he was thoughtful, or nostalgic, or even regretful of our shared past, our shared daughter. It meant he cared and for me, maybe even for her. Those times were like a door cracking open towards a future I always dreamed of — a future with him. The pendant was the door knob. He handed it to me and by taking it I turned the knob and pushed the door open.

The door would stay opened, for just a bit, and I would anxiously peer inside. I could never see what lay beyond it. It was bright and there was pleasurable music. The light from the door was so bright it would cause me to squint with blinding hope. Squinting, focusing, staring, desirous of seeing, finally, the life that we had left behind, perhaps even the future we dreamed of.

The door never fully opened.  We would have our moments, or perhaps I should say, I did.  Moments when I dreamed we might make it work, might finally pull together what unplanned pregnancy and adoption had torn apart – our love for each other. A love that started two years before our child was conceived and lasted for nearly 30 years.

He gave me the necklace, I cried, thanked him, peeked at the crack of the open door and then looked away.  I knew it would close, disappear, much like the train to Hogwarts.  It only appeared at certain times. It took you for an emotional ride and later brought you back.  It always brought me back. I was never able to stay there, in that magical mystery land where he and I had shared our love and maybe even raised our child.

I have no idea what I am going to do with this pendant. Keeping it seems wrong yet discarding it does as well.