This week we will talk about Mitigation and Management of Collateral Damage.
Monday and Tuesday will be Mitigation. Wednesday and Thursday will cover Management. Friday will be pot luck.
Before we begin, let us define mitigation. See below definition from dictionary.com
1. the act of mitigating, or lessening the force or intensity of something unpleasant, as wrath, pain, grief, or extreme circumstances
2. the act of making a condition or consequence less severe: the mitigation of a punishment.
3. the process of becoming milder, gentler, or less severe.
4.a mitigating circumstance, event, or consequence.”
Thinking about mitigation in the context of an expectant mother considering surrendering her chlid, unborn or born, to adoption, what can we do to lessen the possible impact of collateral damage?
The most obvious response you may have is for her to parent. Do not surrender and you do not set loose the plague of adoption trauma locusts. I would agree. Family preservation avoids this. However, since there will be mothers who will choose surrender, what counsel would you give them in advance to lessen possible collateral damage? What should a therapist or social worker share with the mother to mitigate the wound of adoption surrender post placement?
Let me give you a few commonly heard suggestions to get you thinking:
- – Expand the “informed” to include more than just the inability to revoke. Offer (require?) resources that include talking to adoptees, exploring parenting options, understanding PTSD that some mothers experience
- – Explain that adoptive parents are no better than biological parents over the lifetime. They divorce, struggle with substances abuse, even abuse and murder children — just like biological parents do. They are not a supreme being rather human and fallible just like biological parents.
This old post of mine, White Flag Realities, might also be useful.
Okay, your turn.
What more might we offer to mothers considering surrendering their child to adoption to help them understand possible side effects of adoption on both her and her child?