A girlfriend hosted a Mystics night Friday night. She invited a medium and a tarot card reader. Note I am not a huge believer. Nor am I a skeptic. My mind is always open. I also knew the medium from two readings earlier in my life. I welcomed the chance to hang with girlfriends as well as get two readings.
It was the first time I had my cards read. It was, to say the least, interesting. Note she knew nothing about me beyond my name and date of birth. I gave her that when we sat down at her table.
As she lays the cards down, the first thing she says low breath, sort of to herself, is “glad that is behind you”. She was referring to a card laid down “behind” the first card.
She finished laying cards and the first thing she comments on is my “voice”. She asks if I am outspoken person, a loud person, talkative. My thoughts are no, not really. Outspoken on topics I am passionate about? Yes. Loud? Talkative? No. More likely to sit in a room and watch people versus talking. She restates her question. She suggests that I have something to say, that I want to be heard, that I am trying to get others to hear me for some reason. To my self, I think “wow, she could be talking about my adoption activism”. I do not offer much, she continues cards and reading and hones in on “your speaking is related to a trauma, not a recent one, something that happened to you a long time ago that has effected your life every day since”. I start to choke up. She continues “It is like you are trying to share what happened to you to make sure it does not happen to others”. Tears begin to fall.
I finally offer to her that I surrendered my daughter to adoption against my will when I was 18 and I “speak” out regularly on the practices that encouraged that action to insure it does not happen to others. She smiles, nods, she seems to think that is what she is reading.
She flips more cards and asks about a medical situation. She asks if my mom is okay. I shrug and say, yes, as far as I know. More cards on top of that one and she restates that the person is closer to me than my mom, a child, a spouse. Was someone recently very ill and they took all my energy? I am unable to talk. She continues. She says I really advocated for this person, I was their guardian, fought for them. I offer up my TBI recovered son as a possibility.
More cards. Education. Am I educating myself? Why is education coming up? Am I a teacher? Do I teach technology? She sees that too. It is incomplete education she says. Am I a life long learner? I chuckle and say if you can consider it has taken me over 20 years to finish an undegrad degree, yes. Perhaps she comments. It also seems that I am meant to educate others (hence that voice statement).
Chariot card appears on the table. This is a card of goals and determination. She suggests I have some very specific personal goals and that I should continue. I state I am comfortable professionally and I make a good living. She confirms that is true but I am not doing what I really want to be doing, that I have other goals in mind. I am a creative, I am supposed to be creating. I am going to, she says, but I am focused on too many things and I need to bring things into myself, focus on me, my goals. I laugh. I do not share I am parenting two sons, working, schooling, volunteering, working on health issues. It may be years before I can drop some things. That much I do share. She nods. But I will and I will have to. The Chariot Card means I am clear on my hopes and dreams and it is only time and attention that is holding me back.