I get it yet I don’t.
I suppose I do not because the individual impacted is someone I care about. I get it because given what I know of the situation the past many years, it sort of makes sense. Things that were odd or confusing or just plain goofy now seem to fall in line. There is an “aha” moment of sorts.
Yet I am still angered on behalf of my friend. It feels like a betrayal.
Friend was reunited with birth parent many years ago. While things have been odd at times, there was regular connections, visits a few times a year, and texting now and then. Early in the relationship it was made clear to my friend that friend was birth parent only child.
A few days ago friend received a message from an individual indicating they believed they were half sibling to my friend. This internet stranger had much info to validate this. Also adopted, close in age, same network of agencies used.
No longer is friend the only child of the birthparent. There is now not only one – but two – half siblings that were surrendered post my friends’ adoption surrender.
I could easily get all “judgy” here on the birth parent. I won’t. What I will do is question what obligation birth parents have to tell reunited child that they have other siblings also placed for adoption.
My friend has non certified OBC from birth state. There are no other live births noted on the certificate. Friend was the first. Had friend been second or third child friend might have had a clue as there might have been a reference to other children.
In this case, reunited birthparent bore and surrendered additional children but opted not to tell first born and surrendered child about their half siblings. More than opting not to tell, birth parent said quite the opposite.
Friend could have ended up dating a half sibling. Friend still might as the other sibling is still missing.
I am flummoxed.
Maybe I am being a bit “judgy” too.